Thursday, September 21, 2006


I have trouble with patience. I will admit that to anyone right up front. I can wait for great lengths of time for some things, but can hardly wait an hour for other things. This ties into my hatred of suprised and guessing games. I HAVE to know what is happening at all times, when it's going to start, when it's going to end and what to expect. I can hold off, as long as I know when it WILL be my turn. Just my quirk I guess.

So now that A is a CFI, I'm already going nuts. It's only been a few weeks and it's already wearing on me. Not so much the 14-16 hour days, 7 days a week that he's working, nor is it not knowing how long we'll be doing this for (although I'm sure that will start up soon enough). It's the little crap like- is he going to be home for dinner or not? Not knowing what to plan for is killing me. He tries to keep me updated, but when he's with a student flying or in the sim, it's hard to keep track of time and impossible to call and update me. So it's hard to plan anything because I never know his evening ETA. At least if he had a jet job, I'd know when he was off and on. All mine vs. the companies. But right now we are at this blurry in between stage.

I do my best to forgive him when I get angry about things related to timing. I know it's not his fault and things aren't exactly the way he would like them either. He forgives me for my temper and knows it's the situation I'm angry at and not him personally. It's not him being gone that bothers me so much (we've done the long distance thing before), it's the being unsure of when he'll be available. If I knew he was arriving at 8:15 on Flight 123 and he would be mine for 3 days and then be gone again, it would be easier to deal.

We have so many plans for the future and none of them currently have an ETA. I'm 30 and he's 35. We want to have more children. Can't do that until he's got a stable job (at least as stable as we can get in this industry) and I can stop working. Can't do that until he gets hired somewhere. Can't do that until he has enough hours to apply. And we are working on that. At least having some forward momentum makes it feel like we are getting somewhere and will arrive eventually.

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