Tuesday, March 31, 2009

Can we just make this part go faster?

Today A stopped taking his medicine, the first part in his testing process. It's taken me a bit to realize that the anxiety I've been feeling is related to this. I'm so nervous about this testing and all the what if's. What if the cancer is back? That means more treatment and another two years out, minimum. And then what? What if the cancer is gone? Will I ever be able to relax about it? We've settled into living together finally, what's it going to be like when he's gone again? Sometimes it feels better to just NOT know and keep all the what if's out there. As much as A says he wants to get back to flying (and I know he does), I wonder if he's ready to give up having the prestige of being a pilot without the grueling schedule required. Am I ready?

I was asked to be a feature wife at a group site. My answers to the standard questions were so depressing that I had to hold off sending it in until I could make it more upbeat and reflective of my true self.

18 weeks until I get to quit my job for school. I am counting down the days as I have really maxed out on this job. So much is still in the air still- will I get the scholarships I applied for? Will I get into the student family housing or will I be left searching for a place for us a week prior to school? Who's going to get the can opener and the vacuum? Where is A going to live? I want it all to just be figured out already and to be starting school.

I wish for every eventuality there was a set flow we could practice in the Sim that would still get us to our destination safely.

Tomorrow is Kidzilla's 7th birthday. No April Fools.

1 comment:

elsja said...

I wish you all the best with the testing. I bet it must be scary and you would be filled with mixed emotions about him going back to work.Keep us posted! :)