Summer speed

 It's always far too long between posts! Posting is one of those things that I think of all the time but it gets pushed back due life...

I can't believe the summer is nearly over! Summer camps are completed, school supplies are purchased, haircuts are scheduled and our long awaiting trip to the Kennedy Space Center is completed. Today we had school orientation and met some of the new teachers for the year. Our beloved daycare closed in early June and we scrambled to find a new one so all of our kids will have new schools and teachers for the new year. I'm not quite ready to give up the kids being occupied until 5pm, the no evening commitments, and the light morning traffic that summer brings every year.

We live in an area that is highly effected by COVID right now which caused some challenges for the summer, primarily with our daycare being closed for 10 days with notice only being given the afternoon prior. We were able to work something out with a teacher there and our littlest spent the time at "Camp Living Her Best Life" having water play days, zoo and beach days, hair parties, and all sorts of special fun with her bestie for the time off. My work has been slammed and they are paying bonuses to anyone who wants to work extra and asking for volunteers to assist hospital-wide. I am looking forward to when we finally peak and the infection curve starts to go down again.

A continues to be very busy at work, which is a blessing. So busy in fact that I am able to resign from one of my three part time jobs. Between flying and Chief Pilot duties it feels like he works 10 hours a day, 7 days a week! The company is profitable though and continues to expand. Hopefully the future holds a raise for his CP duties and less flying days. I beg and beg him to set himself "office hours" so he isn't working all the time and has time carved out for the myriad of things falling through the cracks at home (car repairs, sprinkler repairs, budgeting...) but he seems to prefer to operate in crisis mode. Whatever the next crisis is is what gets his attention. And there is constantly some issue that needs attention with work. ALWAYS. But busy is good and it keeps our bills paid. One true blessing of COVID for us is that we have been able to make some significant headway in paying down our debt. In fact, we are nearly done with our snowball and almost ready to move on to another Baby Step (referencing Dave Ramsey here, which I highly recommend). 

In an unexpected move A's prior airline is working on getting back up and running in a new format. All of the pilot base is technically furloughed so pilots will be called back to work in accordance with the furlough policy. They only need a very small group of pilots right now though so we wouldn't expect to be called for some time. And there are bypass options as well so A wouldn't have to make a decision right away anyway. But he's already getting calls from the pilots he used to represent to discuss. I guess his rep duties will never end. But it is flattering that people continue to seek his opinion. I wonder about the pilots who will end up staffing the airline though- after all this time, is there a reason they haven't been hired by other airlines or moved on to other employment?

I hope that this fall brings us cooler temps, more routine to our days and weeks, and new and varied experiences for us all.

Another fork in the road

So we have settled into the private charter lifestyle at this point. Trips come up short notice- sometimes just 24-48 hours, but they are rarely multi-day trips. A can request off any days he wants- no stress trying to bid a particular schedule or whether he'll be home for an event/holiday/birthday. I can't complain about those things. And since we never used our airline flight benefits, we aren't really missing those either. But now, all the airlines are hiring again, some at a nearly desperate pace. A gets calls regularly from former coworkers asking if he wants a recommendation to their airline. Right now he is committed to his current gig and always declines for the time being. And I admit, although I like what he is doing, I always wonder if we are making the right decision. Going back to the airlines would mean a predictable (and higher for now) salary, healthcare benefits, and a different kind of stress for him. But then when he's home, he's home. Not constantly on the phone monitoring flights, placating pilots, or trying to manage vast amounts of paperwork and random tasks. There are days when A comes home and is so happy with his current position. And some days when it's just a job. And some days he comes home and says "this is never going to work, we'll all be back at the airline in a year." What does the future hold for each path? I so hate the unknown! For now we hold steady with the local job.

Summer is coming up on us so fast! Only a few weeks left before camp season. I was a little delayed getting everyone registered for their camps, but they mostly got what they wanted. There are a few weeks where we'll have three kids at three different locations, which will take some coordination. But as always, we'll find a way. Next year boy # 3 will begin kindergarten.That leaves only 1 more, with one year of daycare to go. Although I miss having a sweet little baby around, I am excited for this all grown up stage. We are still slowly divesting ourselves of things like baby gates and potty seats and instead investing in containers and storage for plastic dinosaurs and (even more) playmobil. The older ones bookcase is slowing moving from Lego creations to books and gaming sets. And there are a few things that I know are with their last age appropriate user. It will be hard to let some things go. We are planning a trip to the Kennedy Space Center for early August. We have two kids who are fascinated by all things space and science. I made the mistake of telling them about the trip. And now every morning I get asked if today is the day we are going on our vacation. I'm glad they are excited, but oh my goodness, I not sure how I can outlast all summer of asking...

I know one day we'll be able to look back at all the turns this road has taken and see how it all comes together. But when you are in the middle of the path, it's so hard to feel sure of how where it's going to end up.

The Spring Break where I didn't meet a celebrity

 We had an amazing Spring Break this year! 

We had previously been invited to stay at the home of a friend of A's in southern FL and finally made the opportunity to do so for a few days. It was the amazing, low key time we needed. A ended up having to fly so we delayed our trip by a day (which it turns out we needed to allow more time prep...) and I drove the 3.5 hours down with the kids and dog and we picked him up at the airport there. Since it was at a small airport, we were able to walk right up nearly to the tarmac and see his plane up close. It was the first time two of our three had seen it. After he closed up the plane we went to his friend's house where we ended up having a whole suite-living space, bed, bath, screened porch to ourselves. It was so fantastic to have space to spread out and retreat to when it felt like the kids might be overwhelming everyone; with a larger family sometimes I feel like we descend on people's home like locusts . They also have three dogs so Archie was right at home playing. We spent our time visiting a dinosaur park, taking a golf cart tour of their neighborhood, playing at a playground, swimming in their hot tub, riding in their jeep, getting ice cream, and just generally hanging out. It was exactly the refresh we needed and we are so thankful to them for offering us the space and companionship. The drive home turned into an extended one due to heavy traffic related to Bike Week in Daytona Beach, but we made it home with just enough time to prep for our next adventure.

We were up early the next morning to accompany A, the owner of his company, and his family on a business trip. They had to fly to Alabama for a meeting and then decided to fly up to Nashville for the weekend since it was close by. It was the first time I've flown with A since he was a student more than 15 years ago and the first time I've seen him fly something bigger than a Cessna. It was the first time the two little ones had ever flown with him and the first time the littlest had ever flow. We loaded up the plane and headed out. The kids and I walked around outside and read magazines inside while they had their meeting and then we headed out to Nashville. Once in Nashville, we landed at the private plane terminal and it was on! We got met at the door by a gentleman with an umbrella and waiting in the FBO with our luggage and the kids while our pilots finished out the trip and closed up the plane. It was interesting the facility because there were lots of corporate pilots milling around, checking each other and their planes out. We were standing off to one side and I saw a man come in, wearing jeans, a shirt, and a hat. He had a bike with him that he leaned up against a garbage can and left. It seemed odd and out of place in the fancy terminal. Then he came back in walking three dogs and said something about taking them out to the plane. I realized the guy looked kinda familiar but couldn't place him. When he came back in, I realized it was probably my favorite country singer ever, Dierks Bentley! I won't say I totally lost my cool then, but I did try hard not to gawk embarrass myself by staring but also discretely tell everyone else in our group who it was. I was too shy to walk up and say something, partly because everyone else in the terminal was so nonchalant about it. I'm sure they see famous people there all the time. Then, as we were standing outside waiting for our Uber, out he comes again. And their I was, with his song playing on the overhead speaker, watching him talk to someone he knew, just a few feet away from me. The heavens could have opened up and sung Hallelujah and I wouldn't have noticed.

While in Nashville we got to stay at the Gaylord Opryland. Pre-COVID I had hoped to go there for Christmas, but we weren't able to make it happen this year. The hotel was perfect because it had enough to do for the kids without having to load everyone up in an expensive Uber XL. It was as amazing as I expected it to be and even bigger than the one in Orlando where we have stayed several times. We had booked an interior balcony room that slept 4 and figured we'd make it work for the 5 of us somehow. At the Elite Member check in (finally A can collect hotel points for his overnight stays!) we were offered a room upgrade, but it wouldn't have a balcony. I was a little iffy on taking it because we really liked having the balcony, but A really pushed me to do it. And the registration person acknowledged that we had a lot of kids and this would be more comfortable for us. So with the pouty, reluctant "FINE" that women are known for, we took room. Well... as it turned out, we got a 2 room suite with sleeping room for least 10 between the 2 pull out couches, the murphy bed, and the two queen beds. I would have been overjoyed to have had just ONE of the rooms. We also had a giant TV, gas fireplace and 6 person dining table, plus plenty of space for the kids to play. IT. WAS. AMAZING. We were able to get food from restaurants to eat in our room as the kids played and everyone slept in a different bed every night. The hotel itself was pretty nice too, with several scavenger hunts for the kids, an indoor pool, spring activities, and unlimited delta riverboat rides. There was truly no need to leave the hotel. We had a fantastic time and hope to visit again in the future.

Our trip home was uneventful and it was significantly less glamorous having to unload our own luggage and empty the lav and garbages, and going right back to work and school the next day, but that was well worth it. As we were flying home I took some time to reflect on how this amazing trip had fallen into place, even after the previous year filled with job loss, cut hours, and so much uncertainty. And the unexpected path and opportunities that  had fallen into place to allow us a trip that included flying on a private plane and staying in a fancy suite. I'm so thankful for the small blessings that have fallen our way during this season!

Making it work

 So here we are. A year into a pandemic, a half year since A flew for an airline, a quarter year since his airline ceased operation. And we're still going. A fell into a gig that he is trying to make work. A local, long time friend of his bought up a part 135 charter operation in 2020 and A has been flying through that and is planned for moving up into a Chief Pilot position. It's still a small operation with irregular flying for A, but we're hoping that will change as the business continues to grow. A really enjoys being mostly home and not having the stress of commuting to base via plane. But, not surprisingly, he still gets stressed out the night before a flight. It's a different type of work he has to do now, contacting FBO's and filing paperwork, but it still is imperative flight related work. Hopefully at some point the company will have someone to make these kind of arrangements for the trips. And as much as I try and get him to keep his work in an 8-5 schedule and not doing work during family time, it still never works out. His phone is still going off constantly.  I had hoped that the end of union work meant the end of that, but no. And for as much as he talks about loving being home so much, he still talks about trying to get hired by a major. And I can't say I was unhappy when he had a 4 day trip come up once... My own work, hospital based, was steady and then decreased. So now I'm balancing a part time job and two on-call jobs, never feeling like I'm bringing in enough money. We have target goals for when I feel like I can cut back working through. As he flies more I can decrease. But it's been a year of feeling pissed that the part time working was stolen away from me and I still never feel like I can balance all the things our household needs with my work schedule.

We do have one bright spot this year- we finally adopted a dog. The 10yo has been asking for one for years and I've always said no. Now that A is home more, it's a realistic to handle one. The 10yo has been volunteering weekly at the local Humane Society since the new year. He reads to the pets to socialize them (which usually devolves into playing with the cats...) and helps calm them in their kennels. Every week he asks to bring a pet home and I defer. But when we met Archie, I knew we had to bring him home. So now we have an 18 month old black lab mix who is missing a back leg. Our sweet, gentle boy had been shot in the leg prior to coming to the Humane Society and they had to remove the leg altogether. But don't be fooled- although he can't jump, he can play chase and fetch for hours. The 10yo has been taking great responsibility so far, even though it's hard to drag ourselves out of bed at 7am on Saturday for a walk in the rain. The little ones were excited yet nervous at first but they have really come around. And thankfully our boy tolerates the daily vet check-ups and space shuttle landings on his back just fine.

Although 2020 really went awry in a horrible way for us we are managing. There is a lot of doing without and making due, but hopefully this year we will stabilize and again begin to grow.

The final final

 So here it is- the final day of A's airline. It's a bit anti-climatic really since the company had their final flight yesterday and A hasn't even flown for them since June. And in a classy move by someone, the scheduled final flight was passed off to another contractor airline so it was a scramble for all the people who wanted to be there to see the final flight. It's sad to see that an airline that was so highly rated for on time service, customer satisfaction and employee satisfaction has gone out of business due to the race for the cheapest contractor. But what can one do? 

A  did make one final trip to Houston last week to wrap up union business and have a final farewell party. He said they all did get a little misty eyed telling stories of their time at the airline. He talked about how wonderful it was that another pilot friend of his (who happened to be at the meeting as well) had started a donation pool for us (this was pre go-fund-me) when he was out with cancer and how much that meant to him still that all those pilots gave to him without even knowing him. His story ended with a great bear hug and some tissue. A had his own moment as he walked through our home airport in his uniform for the last time as he came home. With no current plans to return to scheduled airline flying he won't be wearing the traditional uniform, skipping the general public security line, or even visiting the airport in the near future. I think it would be different if he had another job lined up or even planned to apply, but that not in the outlook that last walk just seemed so FINAL. I don't think either of us had thought about it until the moment it happened. 

Our last few weeks have been a scramble to maintain some sense of security and stability. We refinanced the house, set up some specific bank accounts, worked our Dave Ramsey (nearly done with baby step 3 y'all, that's HUGE!), looked into life, health and disability insurances (need some more ASAP work on that), submitted for the last of the reimbursements from A's uniform fund, downloaded as much info as we could from his company websites while they are still available, and today I applied for state assisted health care for the kids. Our current state with neither of us having access to insurance benefits means we really have to be proactive. Soon A will apply for unemployment benefits to help until he can get some regular income going from the start-up charter business he's working at. Right now our month is measured in "how many trips do I need to cover mortgage and grocery money?" and "how many more hours do I need to work to cover that fall clothes shopping trip or trip to the pumpkin patch this month or yet another curly hair product I *need* to try" (seriously, after four kids I finally have the boobs and wavy hair I always dreamed of in college...). It's funny, up until 6 months ago, I worked full time and sometimes extra weekend shifts too. And parented alone when he was gone on trips. But now, I've gotten so used to him being home and coming home earlier in the day and having kid free time to do chores and errands. And the occasional day off together and restaurant breakfast date. And I wonder how I used to do it all for so long. But for October and likely the next few months, I am trying to rack up as many hours as I can to make sure we have enough money to survive. I'll be back to a breakneck pace until I crash, probably at the end of the year. I'm lucky the hours are finally available now because they weren't in the spring. 

We have had so many friends reach out to us, which has been really reassuring and it's so nice that they are thinking of us. Outside of the airlines, I don't think we know anyone who lost their job, or is even battling continued hour cutbacks. I still have faith that this new path will work out for us, as hard as the unknown seems right now. Probably because it not working out is not an option. The silver lining in all this is that A has been home so much and has really jumped in and learned what it means to be a home-all-the-time parent. That opportunity itself has already been a blessing for our family.

Work in Progress

 Aren’t we always a work in progress though? Things have been steady here. We had the opportunity to stay at a relatives house/ Air B&B for the Labor Day weekend and swim to our hearts content in their pool. We had great weather except for right after we got the fire going in the fire pit to make s’mores. That’s when we got caught in a downpour naturally. It was nice to get to a new locale for a few days. 

I just feel like my heart is broken in so many ways right now. Not just because of this pandemic, but partially related. I hate that my baby girl is in a class full of boys with no other girly girl to play with. The preschool has dropped to low that it’s just her and 2-3 boys. It’s great for education and reducing exposure, but not for friendship. My bigger boy is doing well in school and is accustomed to wearing a mask now. But he needs to get back into the social aspect of clubs and scouts. I know he’s tired of mom trying to engage him. I am sad for my previous home states of California and Oregon and hearing off all those small towns I drove through or camped near going up in smoke. It really is like losing a part of your history to know those places are gone forever. My heart is absolutely broken that my oldest son, now 18 and living with his father in Oregon, has dropped us out of his life and hasn’t responded to any of my attempts to contact him. I don’t know why other than he thinks no one who lives in the south has any intelligence and he doesn’t like having siblings. It tears me up that the boy who used to hold my hand and tell me he wanted to live with me forever now won’t talk to me. I hope that one day he will come back to me. Especially because it’s nothing but teenagerhood keeping us apart and nothing specific. Friends reassure me that he’ll come back, but as always, I hate the waiting. I also ache for A and his career. I know he’s trying his hardest but it’s it’s also hard not to blame him for things. Especially when I’m stressed about so many other things. So far he’s not getting as many hours as we hoped for with the new job but he keeps reassuring me it will pick up. I feel like he’s waiting for another job to fall into his lap instead of pursuing something. And I don’t want that to effect my dream job that I currently have. It’s hard to give him the space to grieve his losses when we are so desperate to stay afloat. 

As a surprise pick me up I did get a kind and unexpected letter in the mail the other day from the wife of a pilot couple that A has helped out through his union role. I met her many moons ago when she was in flight school with A and she remembered. She thanked me for allowing A the volunteer time to be a pilot rep that it took away from our family and told about a time when he stepped in and really helped her husband during his career. It ended up brightening my day quite a bit. Hopefully I’ll get out of this funk I’ve been in and get our new normal figured out.

Transitional Airspace

 I have transition fatigue. As a Licensed Clinical Social Worker, I can tell you that this is a real thing. I'm so tired of everything being up in the air. I'm a concrete girl. I like to plan ahead. I don't like surprises. I like to know what to expect and I like to get there early. And this year is just NOT shaping up that way. So far we've been through: a job change for me and the prospect of a significant raise for A, then the pandemic shut down, transition to home schooling for Kidzilla, then work cutbacks for both me and A, then furlough potential, then a while-I'm-furloughed job prospect for A, then news that A's company is shutting down for good, then uncertainty on exactly what A will be doing at said new job and will the income sustain us, now back to school and the wind down of A's company. I'm exhausted just typing it. I hope that by the time winter arrives we have found our new normal. I'm quickly losing my ability to 'just roll with it." Really, I don't have much choice in the matter obviously, but I can tell I'm just tired of making decisions and I'm telling A more and more that whatever he decides is fine. And I want to just curl up on the couch and binge watch Youtube videos instead of participating. But I can still make a mean to do list for him.

It has been phenomenal to have A home. He hasn't flown for his airline since June and likely won't ever again unless he volunteers for a trip this month. He's been doing the grocery shopping for years, but now he does the bulk of the dishes, helps with school/daycare drop off and pick up, runs errands, supervises homework, feeds the kids breakfast, and helps with dinners. There are times I don't know what to do with myself because he's already got it all going. And after so many years of holding it together on my own, it's just weird. So I turn to micromanaging to cope. Luckily, A understands and lets it go. But as great as it is, it's hard to get used to him being here all the time. There are many conversations involving  "what did you do all day?" and "you went to Target again?" He's all in my business when I do embarrassing things like dry my hair with a tee shirt (curly girl style) or buy yet another cute dress for my daughter or feed the kids ice cream for dinner. I used to be able to hide those things and keep our secrets secret. It's hard having him here ALL THE TIME. I'm sure it is for him too though. Being subjected to constant people around wanting his time is hard for him as well. He's used to being alone in a hotel room, free to watch movies and call or text friends. At home, there is very little free time once the kids are home and they are always noisy. There is no such thing as alone time. 

This month is our big wrap up, tying up lose ends before we lose the job title, the income, and the benefits. Maybe once that is past we can move on to looking to and living in the future. Today marks 14 years that I have maintained this blog. It's so amazing to look back and see where we've been. The things I was hopeful for, the times I never hoped for, and the hope I still have for the future.

Soft landings

 So it's finally come. A's airline is closing and he'll be out of a job. His airline has surely fallen victim to COVID, but in reality, it's never been the airline it was when he started. In the 14 years he's been there it's been in a slow, consistent decline in the number of planes and routes it's been flying. So we are panicked yes, but we've got some things worked out so it takes the edge off. In all reality, A probably would have flown his entire career there- he said recently that he had planned on never doing any interviews again. But then he was also talking about moving to a cargo carrier back at the beginning of year... The lack of a college degree (that again...) continues to hamper his career path and he'll probably never make huge money, but we've come to terms with it. 

He's been given a great opportunity to fly for a small charter locally that is owned by a friend of his. He can make almost the same money he was making flying as a regional captain, be home most nights, and never have to worry about not being home for a holiday or event. He does have to give up the flying heavy jets international envy, but he was never about that anyway. Sure, it'd be nice to be making $200k per year, but who knows if he'd ever really get there anyway and it's been really nice having him home consistently. So maybe he'll fly for another airline one day, but for now this where we'll sit and ride out the storm. 

The only downside is that it's a contract gig so there are no benefits. My biggest concern in going part time was losing access to benefits and now *bam*, here we are. We will be able to get reduced price state insurance for the kids and we are still working on something for us- either a healthcare sharing group or something through our state marketplace. We can't apply until he's actually laid off, which means we'll be going uninsured for a short period of time, but it will be better than nothing. We already have a plan for putting aside tax money. We are working on refinancing our house to get a smaller monthly payment. We're nearly debt free aside from the house (thanks Dave Ramsey). We have a (very meager) budget that we are working off until things get settled. But we are probably in a better place than most. My biggest stressor is trying not to let the kids know exactly how dire things are. They know dad's been home and that some of our activities are cut back, but I try to minimize exactly how much I share because I don't want them to worry. Kidzilla (now 9) was nearby when we were doing our budget and heard us talking about it which I think is good for him, but I don't want him worried that we won't be able to buy him shoes this winter. And I'm so hopeful we won't have to cancel our yearly Christmas time trip to a hotel in Orlando.

But we have peace. We aren't fighting about money. A is home to do the grocery shopping, dentist appointments, and daytime errands.I still have the opportunity to work part time. He was here for Babygirl's 3rd birthday and he'll be here to take Little Bean (now nearly 5 and obsessed with cheap crafts from Michaels...) to his first day of Pre K. He gets to be here for beach trips where he leaves the electronic key fob in his swim trunks pocket while he goes in the water, while attending to kids crying about the poopy mess they made in the bathroom, and helping with summer homework packets. And for now that's all we can ask for.

In the thick of it

Things were starting to look up for us- the COVID cases seemed contained, the aviation industry had some recovery predictions, and we had a plan. And every time we think things are stabilizing in our lives, it gets turned upside down again. I am exhausted from the constant readjustment and uncertainty. Pretty much every day I count our blessing that we are stable for that day.

A's job was stable, then he got downgraded. He's expected to get furloughed. Then he's not, he'll make the cut. Then he's going to get furloughed again, except for longer. Then maybe not. What are we going to do for income and insurance if he does? Then his airline was literally pitted against another and told by the major both fly for that one of them was going to cease operation in fall and they wanted to know what concessions each group was willing to make to keep their jobs. We're still waiting on the outcome of that but it's led to many stressful video meetings and phone calls between A and the other union reps. Even if his airline stays open, we don't know if he'll be furloughed. Luckily, A has had another flying opportunity fall into his lap to tide us over and maybe lead to more down the road. An old friend from flight school owns a smallish charter business locally and A is able to fly for them. He's in training now, learning a completely different airplane and a completely different operation. Is it short term temporary? Long term temporary? Could it turn into something more? Who knows. But at least it's something.

My two jobs are holding steady. One I get all the hours I expected and it's working well. The other is dependent on other people taking time off. Which really isn't happening too much right now. I'm partly pleased not to be working so much and several more days off per week. But at the same time, there is a financial cost to that. How to balance the two. I gave up my access to benefits when I left full time work, anticipating we could remain covered A. We've explored medical cost sharing programs and that will likely be our overall plan. It's a relief to know that's in place. All of the other stuff- life insurance, retirement savings, and the like still have to be worked out though. But we have a plan.

This summer our kids have remained in daycare and summer camp as planned, with no problems. They are all looking forward to returning to school activities. Which are now postponed for two weeks. At least it's not indefinite. It stretches our tenuous budget to continue paying daycare rates when we were supposed to be moving to the lower aftercare rate, but it is what it is. That's one of those hidden costs that no one thinks about.

We missed our trip to the west coast to see my oldest son graduate from high school. Right now, that place is the center of some major controversy so we're not likely to reschedule anytime soon. The trip was more for me than him anyway. We did get in a mini trip to a relative's house for the 4th of July weekend at least. The kids spent most of the time in the pool. We stayed with family, wore masks when we were out, and came back no worse for the wear. Hopefully we'll get another chance for a small get away this fall.

I am not a person who likes uncertainty. Change is fine, if I know it's coming. But this not knowing? It's slowly killing me. Where is the current prediction of when we will hit our peak? The media was all over that early on, but now? Nothing. How can I make a plan when things keep changing? How can we have goals when we don't even know what's feasible? It's testing all of my skills to keep this anxiety at bay and keep things running normally for my kids. But every day we come through and I thank god that we are stable for another day.

So close we could taste it

We were so close. So. Close. Now, it's back to the struggle. This year had the potential for so much until this pandemic. Everything was chugging along just fine. A was still at his regional airline, having made peace with the little hope of moving up to a major due to the college degree that just wasn't happening. He had completed training as a Check Airman (and had been labeled "a natural" by the training director) and was regularly getting training override pay to pad his paycheck. He still wasn't  high up the Captain seniority list, barely holding a line some months, but it was OK. He was still a union rep, getting calls at all hours from disgruntled pilots with sometimes reasonable complaints. Sometimes it was time consuming, but the trade off was that he was always in the know about the companies doings.

Out of the blue, a fabulous part time job offer dropped in my lap. I liked my full time job, but it was hard with several kids and a husband away. I had always wanted to go part time when we could afford it but it was hard to find something in my field. But here it was. I was always concerned about giving up access to health insurance in case we had ever needed it. We had always been covered on A's, but I felt relief that we always had a back up even though we had never needed it and didn't forsee that changing in the furture. After some wise council, we decided to go for it and I turned in my notice. I gave 5 weeks notice so we could hire and train a replacement. It was going to be a little bit tight financially but doable. Three weeks after I gave notice, A was updated that his company contact negotiations were going well and he anticipated a substantial raise in both his general pay and his training pay. This would more than make up for the pay I had just given up. We were golden.I thought it was God rewarding me for taking a leap of faith on the job.

Then, mere days later, the bottom dropped out. I was already training my replacement when the pandemic run up began and then hit us in the US. My part time job was still there, but the on call dates I had signed up for to supplement our income quickly evaporated. And no hope of return to a full time job where I was unless someone quit- it's kind of a niche market. A began endless union related phone calls and Zoom conferences. At least when the schools closed, we didn't have to worry about childcare and education for our 9yo, one of us was always home. My income dropped to part time with no benefits and A stopped flying. Technically he's on reserve, but there's no flying for him to do. Very quickly the talk turned to furloughs and numbers. And even with 15 years seniority with the company he likely won't be safe. The best we can hope for is that he won't be furloughed long. And of course, my fear of losing our health care will come to pass. At least with his union position he is the first to get updates on the company status and plans.

So we are already cutting back and trying to figure out how to make due. I qualified for a healthcare worker subsidy for daycare for 3 months but it would have meant moving the kids from the only daycare they've ever known so we let it go. We cut down the summer camps and dropped the summer vacation plans. We let go of the plans for the backyard play structure we were going to buy. We won't be doing the swim lessons we had planned for the summer. I know the kids will be ok, but it hurts. Once again, it wasn't supposed to be like this. I had finally found peace that he was already with his forever airline. I had finally found a part time opportunity that would let me have the best of both worlds. Now we are both home most days stressing each other out. At least come October, when the furloughs start, he won't be spending 3+ hours a day on work/union related calls. We' aren't sure what he'll be doing once furloughed- he really isn't qualified for anything else anymore. I'm sure the pilot job market will be flooded as will all of the flight schools. It may be cart wrangler at Costco for a while. As long as it pays and provides health insurance. And I'm torn. Should I give up the dream job and return to full time? I want to stick it out because I know he'll return to work eventually. But at what financial cost? Is God still testing us- calling us to walk out on the waters and trust him? I try to believe that He will provide and that it will all be OK, but wow it that hard.

I just want our lives back again.

Back to school stress

Fall back to school season is always one of the hardest times for me. I love sending accumulating all the goods, cute fall outfits ( so hard to find outfits for 90 degree days in fall colors though!), and seeing everyone’s first day photos. But every year it brings up significant anxiety for me when I have to fill out the emergency contact forms. We don’t have any family nearby- just two cousins who live six hours away each- and we’ve never found those close family friends I’ve always wished for. I have a few neighbors and acquaintances who have said I could use them but it seems like such a huge task to ask of someone- “will you pick my child up from school if I’m unconscious from a car accident and take care of them for who knows how long until their dad can fly back?” Or “Can you make medical decisions for my child, or children, in an emergency situation?” Maybe I’m just overthinking it, partially because of where I work, but those seem like some heavy responsibilities to ask of someone you don’t know well. And every year I have to face the fact that we still haven’t found those friends we click with well enough for me to think “of course I’ll put so and so.” I know my heart would feel well more settled if we had a plan in place for our children if something were to happen to both of us. But again it’s such an awesome responsibility to ask someone to raise our kids, and get to know them and spend time with them so they aren’t strangers, if something happens to us. I think it’s something I will eternally struggle with.

In other news, we survived the hurricane with no major issues. A was able to get home to us ahead of time to help prepare and wait. And wait. And wait. I am thankful that his company allows him time off with no issues and I hope they continue to do so.

Owning the skies

I recent read the book The Skies Belong To Us about hijackings in the 1960’s and 1970’s in America. It was so fascinating! I was born in the late 1970’s and grew up flying. I remember when anyone could go through airport security and all the way up to the gate. At our local airport, I remember how each gate had it’s own individual scanner to go through. I remember being a teen, coming home from a conference in another state and walking off the plane to find my mother sitting at the gate having guessed that was the flight I was on because I hadn’t had time to call her ( from the old school payphone, with a calling card...) prior to take off.  I vaguely remember a few news stories about hijackings as a young child. I remember seeing passenger alert signs at airports listing a few airports in Africa that didn’t have passenger screenings and how those passengers could enter the air system. I know my dad saw some of those hijacked planes while at work as a mechanic at a major airport.

It was amazing to read about how many hijackings there actually were; how commonplace it had become. There were even multiple hijackings on the same day! And how poorly planned some of these attempts were- hijackings that required plane changes due to distance and airlines having to borrow planes from other airlines to accommodate. It was also amazing to read about how complicit the airlines were with it - caving to every demand and fighting against passenger screenings because they thought the passengers would revolt and stop flying. Little did they know... At one time one could simply arrive at the airport, board a plane, and then purchase a ticket once onboard. With no screening. Mind blown! At one point in the book it mentioned that one of the pilots being hijacked was upset- because he had just been hijacked the month (week?) before! I can’t even imagine flying in that kind of atmosphere. I guess knowing that the airlines would comply, at least the Americans- check out Operation Entebbe for the Israeli response- made it feel less dangerous and more like a minor annoyance. And possibly less angst inducing for the wives. I can’t even imagine.

Overall, it was a really interesting read, the story of one particular hijacking interspersed with the history of hijackings in general. It was easy to get through and definitely left a lasting impression.

Speeding through

Here it is already February! There have been so many times that I meant to post but got caught up doing something else and just never got around to it. That’s the story of all our lives though, isn’t it? Everything is moving along. A was able to bid far below his seniority for December and had not only our week of vacation off, but over a week for Christmas off as well. It may well turn out to be his last Christmas at home for a while, so that was nice. We took our first family vacation in several years to Orlando to do some holiday activities. I got sick the weekend befor the trip but refused to go to the Dr or Urgent Care and consequently spent the entire week popping ibuprofen to handle the high fever and burning sore throat. No man-colds for me! I finally caved when I was still acutely I’ll a week later and went to the Urgent Care with a 102 fever. After much testing I was diagnosed with pneumonia and possible post strep. After a few days extra off work, I went back and promptly picked up a cold which then lead into an ear infection. One chink in my armor and everything opportunistic hopped in! I finally recovered just before New Years and luckily no one else ended up sick. It was so nice to have A home to help. Just as I got well, A cane down with nfluenza A. We caught it quickly, got him on Tamiflu and he recovered in about three days, just in time to take care of the two out of three kids at home who then caught the flu. We’ve finally all recovered!

A had been in the program to get preferential hiring from a major airline and in December finally got word that he was accepted pending completing his Bachelor’s degree. He had been hoping he would be an exception to the rule (why? I don’t know) but was denied.  So he has 12 months to finish his degree. He *should*have been working on it already and knew it was a requirement but still. So we spend most of December tracking down transcripts and getting him enrolled in a program. He’s now working on a BS in Psychology. It’s a self paced program that has a tuition discount program through his airline. He’s known pilots who made it through in 6-7 moths, but at the rate he’s going, he’ll be lucky to finish by his deadline. Although A seems to think otherwise. So we’ll see. I know the thought of guys below him in seniority going over before him burns him, so hopefully that will be good motivation for him.

I was thinking the other day about how lucky A is to have a job he can walk away from instead of having to deal with the same people day after day. It came about on a particular Monday morning when I was dreading having to rehash a difficult conversation with a parent. It bugged me all weekend that I knew what was coming. A on the other hand completed his two-three hour flight and then done. He closes the flight and walks away, hopefully never to have to deal with it again. I on the other hand spend day after day with the same people, plugging away at the same problems, until they finally discharge. Sometimes it’s more exhausting than rewarding.

I’m still waiting for that magic day when everything falls into place.

Recovery

October was a stressful month, but we made it through. It was rough with A being gone for 12 days straight and we definitely decided that while we are fine with the airline type schedule, a cargo type  schedule with a week plus gone then multiple weeks home is not for us.  A also came home from his meeting with many new t shirts (all union made) and glasses from the “Delta Pub”.  Overall it was a great experience for him. That was promptly followed by recurrent training a few days later. Luckily, A is not the one who feels the need to study up prior to a recurrent event. He’s never needed peace and quiet or to hang a poster and practice flows. And really, shouldn’t you be doing it correctly all along? Shouldn’t you already be confident in your knowledge and skills? So off he went to breeze through recurrent barely breaking a sweat. Since then, it’s been routine trips and minimal Fay’s off. We have a nice break off coming up. This week has been especially tough with A being gone and all three kids sick. I was off Monday after rocking a Cub Scout camping trip partially solo with three kids. Seriously. I put up a tent, in the rain, in near dark, by myself, and didn’t even lose a kid. I am Mam, hear me roar! Thanks to a cancelled flight, A wasn’t able to get to us unti early afternoon the next day. But we did fine thanks to the giving heats and helping hands of our scout family. We all came home tired and covered in bug bites. All the kids promptly got sick and I had to leave work early on both Wednesday and Thursday to get them from school. A doctor visit later and we had steroids and advice on humidifiers and benedryl dosage for all. We then had to return to the doctor Friday morning for a previously scheduled well-baby visit which got me into work 2.5 hours late.  And then fielded a request to come home early again, which I had to decline. These are the days that are the hardest. I have no tribe to help and I simply can’t leave early again, especially having come in late. I know A feels like shit too, not being able to help. This is the first time I really remember being stuck like this. A nice long weekend for the kids should help. Dad’s on duty Monday as it’s not a holiday for me ( yeah hospital life!). We are looking forward to time off for the Thanksgiving holiday and an actually family vacation in December. In which I will be dazzled by the fancy hotel while A is nonplussed because he stays in fancy hotels all the time. All in all, here’s to a restful weekend and a quiet, noneventful, upcoming week.

Bros before...?

While we do live in Northern Florida, we were not in a hurricane effected area. We anticipated getting a few outer bands of weather, but other than a single 10 minute burst of rain, felt no effects. We were lucky in that respect but it was tense I. Our household the few days before. A left on Tuesday for a 10 day stretch of meetings in Washington DC. At first I thought we would be fine without him but then I waviered (after he mentioned how frequently our power goes out in storms) and decieded he should at least make sure our smaller generator and some power cords were accessible. When I asked him to ensure they were useable he came back with “but you said you would be fine”. Cue Herricane Someday. Here I came dropping F bombs left and right, finger pointing, and all kinds venom spewing! He wasn’t even going to be here and couldn’t even summon up enough to care for his wife and children while they were gone? How hard was it to get four little item out? Why was he spending so much time planning for this pilot related conference instead of taking care of us- obviously he cared more about his pilot bros than us... Finally he agreed to get the equipment out. I asked him the next day, before he left, what point he was trying to prove by arguing with me instead of just agreeing, but he didn’t seem to have one.

Back to the conference for a bit as it really has been dominating our lives for the past few weeks and had been the source of a fair amount of other arguments as well. This meeting happens every other year and then every other conference they also elect a new union president. This year is an election year, naturally. So I get to hear about how they are going to be sweet talked, can’t go anywhere alone,  how all the airlines have hospitality suites to visit, how their airline has theme nights in their suite, how he needs a red velvet jacket because his base always represents... on and on and on. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and reminded him that while he was off at this meeting- having to worry only about himself, having his meals provided, sleeping undisturbed- I would be at home. Taking care of the kids, arranging schedules, planning and making dinners, getting woken up by someone at least twice per night, and having to manage everything by myself, while I continued to work full time. While he worried only about himself. His response that the all day meetings might be ‘boring’ didn’t fly with me. So we had many discussions about who has to manage what and when I would get a vacation as well. I told him I would be happy to stay at a local hotel alone and go to work for the week following his conference just so he could see what it was like for me. You can imagine how well that went over! He did cut down on talking about the conference at least. But it still irritates. And now I’m dealing with everything, with a cold.

We have had some victories lately as well- one is daytime potty trained and one will walk any day. The new pilot contract passed and will give us a bit more breathing room in our very tight budget. And we are still alive to see another day!

Landing at home

A had to make a sick call and it’s landed him home for a stretch of 16 days. That’s even longer than the block of time he gets off for his scheduled vacation at the end of September! He’s had time to work through his gout flare up, get it under control and start some new meds, and get some specialist appointments scheduled. It’s also allowed him to be home for school and daycare pick up and stop off, grocery shopping, and three rounds of sick kids. First Baby Girl was sick with a fever. She came home early from day care twice, stayed home altogether once and had a doctor visit. We no sooner got her well than youngest threw up at school and needed to come home. We get him well and then older boy is up in the middle of the night throwing up. And through it all he’s been able to deal with it all while I go to work as usual. It’s quite liberating to have a stay at home parent. We are all well now and plan to enjoy the long weekend at the Zoo and beach.

A’s airline is in the midst of contract negotiations. It’s intetesting to be on this side of it this time. As a union rep he’s party to hours of conference calls ( literally 5+ hours one day) and the back and forth of negotiations on top of the random pilots calling him trying to get insider information or make their personal contract desires known. Some evenings it seems like we barely see him without his earpiece on to listen in quietly. The absurdity of what some crews do on the job never fails to astound me, as does his ability to represent them to management with a straight face.

A is still torn about online college to finish his BS degree. He wants it but the financial stress and the time stress seems so much. I can’t handle eating a degree on his behalf. But completing it would make such a difference in his ability to move airlines. Even though there is rumor of his airline being acquired by a motor a year later no further details have come out. And I say that confidently because he would be one of the first to know. I keep hoping an obvious, easy answer will present itself but it hasn’t yet. I’ll keep hoping though.

Perceptions

I posted this recently on a Facebook group-

“I’m so irritated at people, including my mother, who can’t see past the glamorous job of regional pilot that my husband does to the very important, much more rewarding and interesting job that I do! More often than not I am greeted with “ Hi! Where’s A today?” Probably he’s in Des Moines, Debuque, or some other mispronounced midwestern dream town on a 60 minute turn or a 10 hour layover at the local La Quinta. I am a social worker at a children’s hospital. I help people. I make a difference in their lives. They remember me years later. Today I held the hand of a mom of a baby while our staff tried to save her baby girl and held the mom in my arms when we couldn’t. Then I helped find a way to pay for the burial costs. Then I pushed an emergency transfer through an insurance plan so a child could be flown to another hospital for a transplant. Then I coordinated the home equipment for another special needs child to go home. Every day I do these things and more. Want a funny story the starts with “ what had happened was...” or ends with “who does that?”- I have a hundred. But outside of the hospital, I’m nothing but a pilot’s wife. I just wish people could see beyond the aura of glamour I must radiate just being associated with him to the much more interesting facets of my life!”

There was lots of commiseration from other wives who felt the same way, that our lives and jobs are judged as so boring by comparison that they aren’t even worth remembering or asking about. Even our pastor at church does this to me. No one rembers my job but everyone knows his. A tried not to talk about his job and even tells people that my job is much more interesting, but still. It’s hard not to be snarky in the situation, but I need a good comeback so people will recognize how devaluing it is to me to ignore my own accomplishments.

I admit that I did recently, nearly fall victim to my own assumptions recently. But luckily I didn’t stick my foot in my mouth. I see many, many posts about wives saying they just can’t work because of their husband’s schedule. I’ve made it work AND we have three kids. So when we went to spend the recent holiday with another pilot family I had never met, I assumed  that the wife probably didn’t work since they had several children and lived in a suburb a fair bit away from the the major area. Turns out they had three kids and she had a fairly demanding job in HR just down the street from where I work. I was so glad to kind a kindred spirit! Although I can’t imagine how I will continue to keep up what feels like a frantic pace to my life, it’s what works for us for now.

I was also re entry told by someone that I could seem very intimidating because I seemed to have my life so well managed and together and other people did not. I was blown away because I don’t always (more like rarely) feel like I have it so together and I certainly don’t judge anyone else for not having found there groove. I try to help by sharing what works for me, but I guess it doesn’t come off well sometimes. I promise I’m not an intimidating gal in real life, just busy trying to keep my head above water and lonely for friends who get it. I read a thought posted on Facebook that had been copied and pasted many times over was this- A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you. It seems so simple, but yet mind blowing at the same time.

Upgrade complete

We made it through upgrade training. I always knew that A had the skills, but I admit there were times I didn't think we were going to make it. The stress of upgrade threw him into a major gout flare up and when he set off for the first two weeks of class and sims, he could barely use one of his arms. But he persevered and made it through. And then he would come home and try to one up me on the stress levels (as if, I work full time, have three kids at home, and manage our home, our health, our extracurricular activities while he went to class 9-5 and slept alone in a hotel room...). His first trip out ended with a dropped trip and left him with only 13.5 hrs of CA time, so he had to do a second trip to finally get signed off. And this second trip made up for everything the first trip didn't have- 4 and 5 leg days, cancellations, delays, the works. But it's done! So much for prime vacations and schedules, we are back at the bottom of the list. A has three weeks of vacation to take this year, but it's all during the fall, when the kids are in school and the weather is hot and humid here and cold in the rest of the US. This upgrade is huge to us though because we have been struggling along financially having two kids in daycare and another in extended day at school. It's still worth it for me to work (After 7 years, A finally brings home more than I do again!) but I'll tell you, it's been a struggle. Especially with 2 12 week maternity leaves in three years. A could have gone to upgrade class sooner, like 6 months ago. I don't know why he didn't, but it's moot now. At least we will have some breathing room now, although there are no dream vacations in our near future. I know for a while I will see him even less, as he spends 5 days away on reserve at base. Hopefully he can learn to work the system and get himself home more. But with the way people are leaving, either to the majors or lateral moves, he should move up in seniority smoothly. We're outsourcing lawn care and housekeeping so we can have time to just be when he is home, instead of frantically trying to cram chores in. I guess this means we've made it.

Finally There?

The day has finally come and A reported in for upgrade training. What was an 18-24 month upgrade back when he started turned into an 11 year journey. But he’s there. He is worried about making it through but for years the trainers and check airmen he’s flown and trained with have told him he’s ready. So for this week and next he’s at the schoolhouse. I know many pilots go into study mode ahead of time for training events and get really stressed out- but not A. He remembers best from hearing things, not reading, so reading a manual would do nothing for him. And he can visualize the mechanics like no ones business. So he just shows up and stuns everybody else when he arrives and never writes anything down. So far he says everything is going well.

Last week A was at union meetings all week. They met with ALPA leadership, the company CEO, and several other important players. They are going into contract negotiations so talked a lot about that. It’s intetesting, A being ‘the ALPA dude’ in base now. He gets a lot of ‘I like you A, I voted for you, but what the hell are you doing for us’ kind of comments. And a frw’you tell management I said...’. If these people are so disgruntled, why aren’t they volunteering themselves? A says he used to wonder the same thing- what are those guys doing- now he knows. And is bound by confidentiality.

Things on the home front are. They just are. Manageable (barely), tolerable (mostly), busy (always).  Youngest brother (2.5) finally had the awareness that dad comes and goes and has started asking about dad when he’s gone. Not crying for him (yet), but asking for him. And now both boys fight over who gets to talk to Dad on FaceTime first. I swear sometimes I wish we didn’t have that technology and we were limited to a 5 minute call at long distance rates. But it is sweet that even Baby Girl recognizes he daddy’s face and voice when he calls.

Just like always, we’ll make it through. But it is nice to finally be not just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but actually near the end of the tunnel!

Spring

Spring is the season of change and rebirth, especially this year for us. In March, A finally had his interview for the pilot flow through program thing between his regional and a major. We've been looking forward to it and it's been in the works for a while. He took the personality test portion what feels like forever ago but kept missing the interview sign-ups because he doesn't check his company email daily. Approved pilots are pulled out of the program in seniority order and they aren't near his number yet, but it's nice to have the interview portion out of the way as well. That required an overnight stay out of town. He has done well and was approved for the program. Except for that pesky lack of a 4 year degree thing. We recently found out that they will let you get all the way into the process and then at the "final review" hold your application. A is still convinced that they have hired some without the degree so we are pressing on. We are still held up on spending the time and money for a BS in professional piloting. It would be the quickest route, but probably the least useful for fallback skills. Which is why he would need to get a degree in the first place. As if a degree is going to magically change him from the guy who interviewed. So it remains to be worked out.

We also just took advantage of his last vacation time that was at a time we needed. We have been lucky that for the last several years, he has been able to take vacation to be home during spring break and summer vacation. Seniority does that. But now with upgrade around the corner, who knows. Although the company is hemorrhaging pilots so a trade may be available yet. We didn't do anything fancy, but did have some family come to visit. And he played househusband with our 7 year old in tow.

Just a few more weeks until upgrade training. ITS FINALLY HERE! I can tell A is stressed about it, but I think he'll be fine. He's never had any kind of trouble in training classes- not initial training or retraining when he hadn't flown for two+ years. We'll make it through the same as we always have.

My biggest boy, Kidzilla, is about to be 16 this weekend. I can't believe it. Although he no longer lives here with us, we see him regularly and keep updated. He'll be here for a visit this summer again. I can't believe he's grown so big and looks like a teen. I still remember being in the hospital with him, our first playgroup, the time a Cracker Barrel he ate all the shrimp tails with the shrimp... It's been amazing to watch him outgrow me- physically, in math, and as a primary caretaker. I hope that we are able to maintain our good relationship and he continues on the path he is currently on.

Here's to all that the Easter Bunny can bring!