Today A stopped taking his medicine, the first part in his testing process. It's taken me a bit to realize that the anxiety I've been feeling is related to this. I'm so nervous about this testing and all the what if's. What if the cancer is back? That means more treatment and another two years out, minimum. And then what? What if the cancer is gone? Will I ever be able to relax about it? We've settled into living together finally, what's it going to be like when he's gone again? Sometimes it feels better to just NOT know and keep all the what if's out there. As much as A says he wants to get back to flying (and I know he does), I wonder if he's ready to give up having the prestige of being a pilot without the grueling schedule required. Am I ready?
I was asked to be a feature wife at a group site. My answers to the standard questions were so depressing that I had to hold off sending it in until I could make it more upbeat and reflective of my true self.
18 weeks until I get to quit my job for school. I am counting down the days as I have really maxed out on this job. So much is still in the air still- will I get the scholarships I applied for? Will I get into the student family housing or will I be left searching for a place for us a week prior to school? Who's going to get the can opener and the vacuum? Where is A going to live? I want it all to just be figured out already and to be starting school.
I wish for every eventuality there was a set flow we could practice in the Sim that would still get us to our destination safely.
Tomorrow is Kidzilla's 7th birthday. No April Fools.
Mother, social worker, wife of a cancer surviving commercial pilot, and other stuff too
Tuesday, March 31, 2009
Monday, March 23, 2009
Note to self- # 346
When knocking on wood, don't count faux wood desktop as good enough. Not two days after I posted a comment about how I rarely get sick, I got hit with a whopper. A and I agreed that it was probably the sickest he'd ever seen me. I'm better now though.
Monday, March 16, 2009
It's all in the timing
Last night we went to the beach to watch the shuttle launch. It’s something we’ve been meaning to do since we moved here. We are long about 150 miles from the launch site, which is fairly close in viewing terms. I *hear* the launch can be seen from as far away as Atlanta. It was a bright, glowing, triangle going up and then turned into a silver/white dot. We could even see when the booster rockers separated and fell to earth. The whole shebang lasted about eight minutes.
We ended up having to push back A’s testing. We realized that he was scheduled to supervise Kidzilla during spring break ( ‘cause we’re too cheap to pay for care) and that doing so while radioactive might be a problem. Not to mention the schlepping Kidzilla to the hospital while being dosed and then the following two days to get the scans done. A would also be toxic for Kidzilla’s birthday, which also didn’t go over well. Since they only give out the pills twice monthly, we had to push everything back by two weeks. Just once, could cancer work around OUR schedule?
I’ve run into my first snag with school. When I spoke with both the Graduate Advisor and the Graduate Recruiter, I asked them if it was going to be any problem to have my all classes during the day, when I had reliable child care available. They both said no, no problem at all. Well, overanxious me figured out how to check the fall ’09 class schedules. My course outline says I have to take five specific classes the first term, all only available during the fall. And two of them have conflicting daytime offerings. The only alternative is to take one of the two as a night class. Where does one rustle up evening childcare in a town where she knows no one and has no connections? I was pretty upset when I found this out. BUT, I am hopeful that things will work out because I have had two separate people introduce me to other Tallahassee students they know. My network is growing already.
We ended up having to push back A’s testing. We realized that he was scheduled to supervise Kidzilla during spring break ( ‘cause we’re too cheap to pay for care) and that doing so while radioactive might be a problem. Not to mention the schlepping Kidzilla to the hospital while being dosed and then the following two days to get the scans done. A would also be toxic for Kidzilla’s birthday, which also didn’t go over well. Since they only give out the pills twice monthly, we had to push everything back by two weeks. Just once, could cancer work around OUR schedule?
I’ve run into my first snag with school. When I spoke with both the Graduate Advisor and the Graduate Recruiter, I asked them if it was going to be any problem to have my all classes during the day, when I had reliable child care available. They both said no, no problem at all. Well, overanxious me figured out how to check the fall ’09 class schedules. My course outline says I have to take five specific classes the first term, all only available during the fall. And two of them have conflicting daytime offerings. The only alternative is to take one of the two as a night class. Where does one rustle up evening childcare in a town where she knows no one and has no connections? I was pretty upset when I found this out. BUT, I am hopeful that things will work out because I have had two separate people introduce me to other Tallahassee students they know. My network is growing already.
Wednesday, March 11, 2009
No good deed goes unpunished...
Or, the story of how Someday is a good Samaritan and gets a reward she wasn't expecting.
Yesterday, Kidzilla and I were driving home along our normal route. We take a shortcut road that runs straight for about 4 miles and then makes a sharp 90 degree turn to the right. It's obvious that a lot of people miss this turn because the guardrail is usually mangled up. It was just repaired about a week ago from the last accident. There we were, driving along in the clear sunny weather, when wham, the car in front of us makes no effort to turn at all and goes straight into the guardrail. Luckily there weren't any other cars coming the other way to smash in to. I was the only witness and at that time the only car on the road. So I stop my car on the shoulder, holler at Kidzilla to stay in the car-DO NOT GET OUT, flag down the next car that comes by to call 911 and head over to the car. We had probably been going close to 30mph, the airbags had deployed, the windshield smashed and the driver was slumped over. I have taken first aid courses several times in my life, but I've never actually had to USE it and I was really praying that I wouldn't have to this time.
I opened the door and the driver got out, he was stunned and in shock, but had no other injuries. At that point, the driver of the vehicle I flagged down came over and talked to the guy and the police. I realized that it was 85 degrees out and Kidzilla was in the closed car so I went back to my car to roll down some windows for him and turn on the radio. I tried to overhear what caused the crash and it was either a bottle had rolled under the brake and he couldn't press it down or he was reaching down to get a bottle that had fallen on the floor and hadn't seen the turn (note to self- clean debris out of car more frequently).
Once the poor guy was sitting on the ground and seemed to have recovered himself and I had given my statement and information to the police, I was told I could go. So I hopped into the car and... nothing. It wouldn't start at all. So I called my knight in shining armor, A, to come rescue me. I will leave out the hassle he gave me for this. He arrived, sent me and Kidzilla home in his truck and waited for AAA to come tow my car (in addition to the damaged car right next to mine). As it ended up, I had a completely dead battery (although not from just the running of the radio while waiting at the accident scene) that cost us $100 to replace. If I hadn't stopped, the car probably just wouldn't have started this morning and I'd still have to replace it, but it just seemed like incredibly ironic timing. I guess it takes a good karma deposit time to clear the bank.
Yesterday, Kidzilla and I were driving home along our normal route. We take a shortcut road that runs straight for about 4 miles and then makes a sharp 90 degree turn to the right. It's obvious that a lot of people miss this turn because the guardrail is usually mangled up. It was just repaired about a week ago from the last accident. There we were, driving along in the clear sunny weather, when wham, the car in front of us makes no effort to turn at all and goes straight into the guardrail. Luckily there weren't any other cars coming the other way to smash in to. I was the only witness and at that time the only car on the road. So I stop my car on the shoulder, holler at Kidzilla to stay in the car-DO NOT GET OUT, flag down the next car that comes by to call 911 and head over to the car. We had probably been going close to 30mph, the airbags had deployed, the windshield smashed and the driver was slumped over. I have taken first aid courses several times in my life, but I've never actually had to USE it and I was really praying that I wouldn't have to this time.
I opened the door and the driver got out, he was stunned and in shock, but had no other injuries. At that point, the driver of the vehicle I flagged down came over and talked to the guy and the police. I realized that it was 85 degrees out and Kidzilla was in the closed car so I went back to my car to roll down some windows for him and turn on the radio. I tried to overhear what caused the crash and it was either a bottle had rolled under the brake and he couldn't press it down or he was reaching down to get a bottle that had fallen on the floor and hadn't seen the turn (note to self- clean debris out of car more frequently).
Once the poor guy was sitting on the ground and seemed to have recovered himself and I had given my statement and information to the police, I was told I could go. So I hopped into the car and... nothing. It wouldn't start at all. So I called my knight in shining armor, A, to come rescue me. I will leave out the hassle he gave me for this. He arrived, sent me and Kidzilla home in his truck and waited for AAA to come tow my car (in addition to the damaged car right next to mine). As it ended up, I had a completely dead battery (although not from just the running of the radio while waiting at the accident scene) that cost us $100 to replace. If I hadn't stopped, the car probably just wouldn't have started this morning and I'd still have to replace it, but it just seemed like incredibly ironic timing. I guess it takes a good karma deposit time to clear the bank.
Tuesday, March 10, 2009
The damnest things
Once I saw an aquaintance play the song Love Me Tender, an Elvis classic, on a saw with a bow. A real saw, with teeth and everything. It was this wavery-bendy kind of sound, but you could definetly recognize the song. A and I both thought "did that really just happen? She played that on a saw?" Folk music at it's finest. If she had then proceeded to cut up a log for some firewood, it would have totally blown our minds.
At a circus I saw a clown drive up in a tiny little car. He got out and he was like 6'8. He was giant. Then, he picked the car up and walked away carrying it under his arm. It was that simple. Damnest thing.
My biggest source of wonderment is how do people on foot get hit by trains. Seriously, can't you hear and feel the train coming even if it's behind you? How loud does your ipod have to be to miss a train? How into your conversation are you? It's not like they sneak up behind you. And if you are walking on the tracks shouldn't you already be aware that one might be coming? Our office is about 500 feet from some train tracks and it's pretty hard not to notice when it's going by. I've never understood it.
At a circus I saw a clown drive up in a tiny little car. He got out and he was like 6'8. He was giant. Then, he picked the car up and walked away carrying it under his arm. It was that simple. Damnest thing.
My biggest source of wonderment is how do people on foot get hit by trains. Seriously, can't you hear and feel the train coming even if it's behind you? How loud does your ipod have to be to miss a train? How into your conversation are you? It's not like they sneak up behind you. And if you are walking on the tracks shouldn't you already be aware that one might be coming? Our office is about 500 feet from some train tracks and it's pretty hard not to notice when it's going by. I've never understood it.
Doctors and more doctors...
I have to submit my immunization records, verified by a medical office in order to register for classes in the fall. It's a good thing they told me now. I'm 33, it's been a long time since I had those childhood shots. I certainly don't remember the dates. And neither do my parents. And neither does my childhood pediatrician's office, who destroyed my records in 2006. So today I had to visit the doctor (those 7:30am appointments always sound so convenient when one makes them...) to work out a plan. I got a tetanus booster this morning. My left arm feels like it is going to fall off. I also got blood drawn to check my antibodies for the rest and whatever I'm not already immune to, I'll have to get the shot for. And now they want vaccinations against things I didn't have to have, Hepatitis A and B and Meningitis. Yep, looking forward to all that and more. Just call me pincushion.
A is gearing up for his year after body scan. The first step is to stop taking his medicine for two weeks to get it out of his system. This means that in two weeks I'll be dealing with Mr. Sleepy-Trippy-Forgetful for a few weeks. The last time he was off medication he was tripping over his feet all the time and asking me every five minutes what was he supposed to be doing (what were we at the grocery store for again, where was he going again, what time was that thing again...). I'd equate the annoyance factor to about level with a kid who asks every five minutes if it's time to open birthday presents yet. Yep, that bad.
Step two happens once a blood test confirms the meds are out of his body and is to take a dose of radioactive iodine again and then a few days after to go lay in a giant machine for 6 hours. If he's clear, he can get back on the meds and begin the process of getting back to flying. And look forward to having an unpaid spring break every year for the next 2-3 years as he repeats the procedure. He can't fly while off the medicine or until he returns to a normal level post-procedure. He really deserves the title of pincushion more than I do.
Fingers crossed that everything will go well for both of us, that there will be a minimum of poking and by the fall we'll both be doing what we've been looking forward to for so long.
A is gearing up for his year after body scan. The first step is to stop taking his medicine for two weeks to get it out of his system. This means that in two weeks I'll be dealing with Mr. Sleepy-Trippy-Forgetful for a few weeks. The last time he was off medication he was tripping over his feet all the time and asking me every five minutes what was he supposed to be doing (what were we at the grocery store for again, where was he going again, what time was that thing again...). I'd equate the annoyance factor to about level with a kid who asks every five minutes if it's time to open birthday presents yet. Yep, that bad.
Step two happens once a blood test confirms the meds are out of his body and is to take a dose of radioactive iodine again and then a few days after to go lay in a giant machine for 6 hours. If he's clear, he can get back on the meds and begin the process of getting back to flying. And look forward to having an unpaid spring break every year for the next 2-3 years as he repeats the procedure. He can't fly while off the medicine or until he returns to a normal level post-procedure. He really deserves the title of pincushion more than I do.
Fingers crossed that everything will go well for both of us, that there will be a minimum of poking and by the fall we'll both be doing what we've been looking forward to for so long.
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