Friday, November 3, 2006

There are up days and there are down days

Had two really hard nights lately. I think it was just the cumulation of stress and too much to do and on and on. Ended up crying, refusing to speak and venting to friends. And then, magically, it all passed on and I felt better. Sometimes you just need to get it out I guess.

On Halloween, I had an elaborate plan for us to meet up with a friend and go trick or treating with her two kids. A would pick up M and meet me there and it would all go smoothly. Then A dropped the bomb that he had moved up his students checkride and had to condense 3 days of training into 2 and therefore would not be able to participate in the trick or treating because he would be home late. This went over fine with me at first, but later, as I sat in massive traffic trying to get over the bridge to get M just so we could turn right around and come back, it just spun out of control in my mind. What is it about sitting in traffic that does that to a person? Instead of the normal 45 minute trip to get M, it took 65.

Of course, I had to blame the whole debacle on A, because if he just would have been able to get M, I wouldn't be sitting in traffic sweating bullets trying to get him in time. If only he hadn't been so selfish to change the guys training to get the examiner he wanted... this was probably the last halloween he'd have to spend with us for a while... and what about Someday? When does she ever get something??? By the time I fought the traffic and got (late) to my friends house, I was furious. A called and I refused to talk to him. But after 2 hours at her house and letting off some steam, I called A to tell him we were on our way home and totally felt better about the whole situation. It had all worked out in the end and I wasn't angry any more.

The next night, A was late getting home again. He called to tell me and I said it was fine. But while standing there cooking dinner and listening to M play trains, I just got this overwhelming sadness about him not being there. And again it was because he had changed the schedule with this student. And then again started the whole selfish, when is it my turn spin. But I reminded myself that at least he was coming home tonight at some point and that turned the tide.

Today A is picking up M from school and having some boy time while I go get a facial and do some shopping at the mall. I guess that's about as much "me time" as I'm going to get for a while. I'm greatful for it though.

I'm not sure what it was that sparked the out of control emotions lately- stress? hormones? jealousy of my friends' husbands being home (when in reality they aren't either...)? But the important thing is that I was able to pull myself out of it without really starting something between us and that we were able to work through it. Somehow knowing that HE had changed his schedule, vs. the company having changed it just made it feel worse. It would have been easier to deal with if he hadn't had control over it (which is what he now claims, but who knows for sure).

I'm sure it's not the last time that I will have an emotional rough spot over this. But at least I can chalk it up to a learning experience because it got us talking about how to handle situations in the future. And as GI Joe says- knowing is half the battle.

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