Repeat, rehash, rethink

It came up in conversation recently, now that we are almost done with the program, would we do it the same way again? Would I continue to have a relationship with a man going through flight school with dreams of piloting or would I have broken it off before he started training? Would I have moved all the way to FL and given up all I had established in CA or stayed there while he was here? How did I feel about his training and how it infringed upon my life?

Reflecting back on everything, I think I would say yes, I would do it again. This has been a great experience for all of us and I can't imagine our lives any other way. Would other people make the same decision? Hard to say. Yes, it was risky, chucking it all and moving to FL with a guy I had been dating for a year who was chasing a dream. but for us, it worked. I know it could have gone horribly wrong, and I had a plan for that (well, kinda) but I was committed to working it out. I can't imagine what it would have been like to stay back in CA and never see him. Never be there to nag him into studying, share his successes, hear the gossip. I can't say for sure that we both would not have started wandering either. After all, it was a fairly new relationship.

The infringing upon my life is harder to explain. It is such a complicated thought to have to work through. Did I intend to get into a relationship with a man who would make my life more difficult? Who would be gone half the month or more? Who would end up dropping in and out of my life like a disneyland dad, always wanting to do fun stuff because he had time, despite my needing to stick to my routine because that's the only way to get everything done? No, I can't say as thought I was advertising for that when I was looking for a date. My life is completely different from what I thought it would end up like. Do I feel infringed upon or like I gave something up? No. I think that personally being ready for a change made all the difference. If I had been resistant to any step along our path, we would have halted and (he) would have called the whole thing off. But at the same time, how could I have dealt with myself knowing that I was preventing someone from achieving their dreams? Would I have felt better forcing him to stay in a high paying but mind numbing job just so I could have designer jeans? Would I have wanted him to do the same thing for me? I just can't imagine being in a relationship where one person would not make a sacrifice for the other. I was in that relationship and I left it.

A stuggles a lot with not being the provider for our family right now. I think it stems from his conservative religious. It's not that he feels I should be home while he earns all the $, but that he should be making more $ than me. Because he's the MAN. Whatever that shizz is all about. He's slowing being indocrinated to my feminist ways, feminism being a complete and utter mystery and assumed negative to him. Why should he have to be the main wage earner? He has no good reason to give for why it should be so. I expect to be treated as an equal and so should he. Why should the onus of having to earn all the money be put on him, just because he THE MAN? It's an ongoing discussion.

I found too, the A uses his family as a procrastination tool. He should be studying, but he feels guilty if he doesn't spend time with his family. This is probably the biggest (and only) negative to us being here with him. Of course I'd like to believe that if we weren't here, he'd be spending his time pining away for us, but that is neither here nor there. He's on to a good thing, because of course, who is going to stay, no you shouldn't be spending time with your family, you should be doing something that doesn't involve us. How can I call him on that? And I'm sure it ties in with the whole wage earner/family man complex as well. So instead, we carve out dedicated study time and family time, to help ease my fear and his allowance of family time cutting into study time.

Two tips I've come across to help ease family strain:

1. Find a place that is not home to study at. For us, if he's at home, we'll bother him, it's as simple as that. And set specific times to study

2. When selling off belongings or economizing to raise $ for flight school, translate everything into how many flight hours it will buy you. Makes the pain of separation slightly easier.

Slowing Down

A only has 68 hours to go until he has enough hours to start applying. Sadly in Dec. he only managed to rack up 18. BUT, it's our own fault because I insisted he take time off for a wedding/honeymoon (9 days), had some no fly days due to sinus issues, and also had 5 days off for the holidays. Hopefully he'll be able to make it up in Jan. He was averaging 80/month so I'm crossing my fingers. Esp. since they are down a few instructors and it looks like 2 more might be moving on in the next few weeks (good luck to you guys!) Hopefully it will mean that there are a lot of flight hours funneled his way. I'll start baking some cookies as bribes. I'm getting tired of this stage. At least the new year brought a small pay raise for both of us.

Light at the end of the tunnel

We had a nice holiday break. A had 5 days off. In a row. It was amazing. I know, it'll be the last time that happens for a while. We're already thinking about how we might work next year. I made A sit down and update his logbook. Turns out, he's nearing that golden 500 hour mark that means he can start applying for regionals. It's good to see that he's made so much progress. December was a slow month for building hours with the wedding/honeymoon, kid's surgery and the holidays. A is now the senior instructor so has first dibs on the available hours. Plus they are down a few instructors now. Hopefully the rest will come quickly in the next few weeks.

Been fighting with the green eyed monster a little this month. Two of A's former training partners got hired by a regional. They both started out with more hours than he did, so it's no suprise. But it's still hard to see them go and wonder- when is it HIS turn? Sometimes feelings defy logic.

We are still undecided about what we are going to do. I know I'll stay here when A is in groundschool. Originally I was going to go with him when he hit the reserve stage, but now he is leaning more towards me staying here where I'm already settled. I'm torn between going with or staying. Is it really so hard to uproot? Probably apathy will make the decision for us in the long run. I guess if I really felt strongly one way or the other I would be compelled to change it though. We'll consider moving more seriously when he is able to bid a line.

What to do when bad weather strikes

Last week we had a few days of bad weather, low ceilings, fog that prevented A from being able to do any training. So instead, all of the CFI's had to do random office chores like reorganizing binders, pinstriping a new whiteboard, moving a simulator and painting a "hold short" line on the carpet.

He could have more effectively used the time to update his logbook and start gathering the info needed for applications to airlines. But then again, it's all about what the company needs and not what he wants.

He's picked up another cold, most likely from M, so he's miserable once again. I suprised him with cookies and snacks at the aiport yesterday to make him feel better and I think it worked for a bit.

Officially a pilot's wife

We tied the knot last week. It was nice, kind of anticlimatic for us since we've already been living together. But at least now I'm guarenteed the death benefits when he crashes into a firery pit. So that's good.

We flew into Ft. Lauderdale on our way to our honeymoon destination. We were nearly touching down on the runway when the pilot pulled up sharply and we ended up doing a go around. That was interesting; I've never done that in a commercial jet before. It seems that someone didn't get their plane off the runway in time for us to land. The woman behind us was freaking out. It was funny to be flying there with A since he had flown there before. He was talking all about the approach, how it seemed like we weren't coming low enough in time, etc. And sure enough, the pilot had to really slam on the brakes and we were pretty close to the end of the runway. A reminder that professional pilots occasionally mess up too.