Tuesday, December 17, 2013

Letting the steam out

Yet another month has gone by without a post. I hate how time gets away from me so quickly. I feel like I have spent so much of the past month angry at A. Not for any one or two particular things, but a more deep and festering anger at personality traits and feeling overburdened. It's not his job feeding all this, but rather how he handles his time on the road and at home. But how to communicate my feelings to him admits the chaos that is our family vying for attention and Christmas preparations. Without it becoming "A Laundry List of Things That Are Wrong With You." It's going to be hard to find the right time and way to get around this but I know it needs be to done and I need to feel heard before I can let go of my anger. And I don't have a lot of confidence that changes will stick. It feels especially important to get this worked out because This is a momentous year for us in our marriage. We just celebrated our seventh wedding anniversary this month. I was married previously and we split on out seventh anniversary. A was also previously married for seven years. Making it to eight is a big deal for us. Our anniversary this year was pretty anticlimactic this year- 13 days later I can't even remember where we went out to eat.

A continues to progress toward upgrade in a steady manner. He's somewhere about 90 spots from the least senior captain and they just announce upgrades for 30 more people. With the droves of people who seem to be leaving, we've almost hit the " upgrade in the foreseeable future". The guy who was once 19 people away from furlough is now bidding in the top 15% of his base. Of course he still gets crap lines, but the are the best of the crap lines. 

Jealousy is always right there behind a thin veil for me though. A guy whom a started his initial flight training, at the private pilot level, completed all his traing with and who went to the same regional a few months prior to A is now in training with a major. When is it our turn? When will we get the financial security that comes with the bigger paycheck? Although I have to keep in mind that this gut had a major inside connection AND a college degree. But A has yet to even get an application together and instead comes home with excuses like "oh they only want pilots that have been FO's for two years because they are easy to train, not six year FO's like me that will take a lot to train to new procedures."  I swear, A needs to start a rumor about a new ridiculous company policy and see how long it takes to get to him and see how people pass it off as truth.

For now, we just take it as it comes and try to remember the good in all we do have.

1 comment:

Cristin said...

Oh my word! I just accidentally stumbled across you blog and must find time to read more (while hubby is off on his next trip and I'm trying to survive with the 3 kiddos and my job). I hear so many things that resonate (and almost wonder if our hubbies are FOs for two legs of the same company), and long for the stable security of a paycheck from the majors (but like you said, so many excuses to not applying). I'll be reading more when I have time to catch a breath!