Monday, June 17, 2013

Out of sight, out of mind

Goodness it's been a long time since I posted. I think about posting all the time, but the getting around to actually doing it is the hard part.

Babyzilla is now nearly 2.5 years old. He's capable of walking, running, climbing and turning things with his hands. Things like deadbolts on doors. I knew it was coming and kept telling A that he needed to put some up high locks on the doors so I wouldn't wake up one morning and find Babyzilla out on the front porch. I had a young cousin who wandered out and was subsequently murdered and found in a ditch when I was young. I spend 8 hours a day in a place where children are brought when bad things happen and work with parents to survive after the trauma regularly. I have been in the room with parents who know their child is dying. A knew all of this and STILL didn't get around to putting up the locks on the doors. I attribute it to his being able to leave the house for a 4 day stretch and not having to deal with the paranoia of Babyzilla getting out every time my back was turned. He could just fly away and pretend it wasn't happening. Pretend that retention pond wasn't just a few houses down. Pretend that I have nothing better or more interesting to do than shadowing Babyzilla around the house constantly. It got to the point where I said to A "if something happens to Babyzilla, even if it's while you are not here, it will be YOUR FAULT, and I will always BLAME YOU for not listening to me when I asked for locks." Even that didn't seem to spur him on. It wasn't until I walked into the bathroom while A was showering and informed him that Babyzilla was on the porch sweeping and he's better go get him that he finally got busy. Locks went up that day. Because it happened when he couldn't ignore it any more.

Going on a trip and pretending everything is fine is a common tactic with A. It happens with bills, the tags on our cars, light bulbs that are out... If you are wondering why I don't take care of these things myself, it's because my attempts are likely to be met with much huffing and eye rolling and will need to be redone "the right way" anyway. And I'm lazy so if it's not bothering me too much, I'll let it go. It's like A goes on a mini-vacation from household responsibility when he goes on a trip. And then he complains about his 4 hour sit at the airport when he could be making doctor appointments, shopping for gifts or paying bills online. Or making a prioritized list of things he needs to do when he gets back. I'd love to have a four hour sit where I could just chill and read a book. Or check my email unmolested by children. Or a time when I could just put off everything that's pressing and make A responsible for everything. An opportunity to be out of sight and put everything out of mind.

1 comment:

Joe said...

I just wanted to let you know that I am a pilot, a US Air Force pilot, that found his way to your site and I was impressed. You share a glimpse here at all the work it takes to create a loving family and how difficult it can be to meet all their needs while Dad is on the road. In fact I have two daughters that are a similar age to your boys. And I just returned from a 1 week trip, it was the first one since my daughter's birth.
Your article reminded me of how much my wife is really doing when I go off flying. It reminded me of my need to be proactively engaged to make sure as many of the repairs and appointments are taken care of before I head out to fly, so the home can run as smoothly as possible till I return. And finally it reminded me of how much she needs to see my appreciation for her efforts.
My hat's off to you and thank you for sharing about your compassionate work!