Syncronicity

Sometimes the fates align and A gets a schedule that is just right. Like the one in December when he got the entire week we were moving off. And the all weekends off schedules of January and February. It's been getting a little harder to get good schedules as he's moving from the high rungs of the bottom of the barrel (ie reserve) to the lower rungs at the top of the barrel (a hard line). Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't.

Kidzilla had a long weekend at school and I had no place to send him while I worked. It just so happened that A was flying into our hometown that morning for a long layover. How convenient! So he ditched the rest of the flight crew and instead spent the day at the dentist, getting a hair cut, watching Kung Fu Panda 2 with Kidzilla and helping get Babyzilla's pictures done in the evening.

I only had one day that I needed him to have off in all of June. Kidzilla and I are spending a week at Cub Scout day camp. The one camp that is running during the week he is available is far enough away that it's easier for me to just stay and work at it instead of making two trips a day. Plus, I love working at camp. This year Kidzilla is old enough for the one night campout they have. BUT, A couldn't get the night off and there is no one to stay with Babyzilla at home. So I can't stay with Kidzilla. Not only does A have to work that night, but he has a trip that lasts nearly the entire week which means no help with Babyzilla when I'm exhausted from camp every evening. And since the company is running lean on staff right now, there's no chance to switch things around.

We'll just make due the best we can, like always.

Hotel freebies

A stays in a lot of hotels. It's the nature of the job. If we wanted to, we could go without buying soap, shampoo, lotion, mouthwash, shower caps and shoe shine kits for the next 10 years. But I'm much to picky for hotel brand toiletries. Unless they are the Aveda ones he brings home occasionally.

Instead, I've become a notepad junkie. I love to make lists. About anything. It helps clear my mind and keep me organized. And with the wide variety of hotel notepads A has access to, I can always find the perfect notepad for my need. The Country Inns and Suites one is small with lines- perfect for short notes slipped into A's suitcase or Kidzilla's lunch. Radisson and LaQuinta are small and perfect for keeping bedside, in the purse, car or diaper bag. Hyatt Place is long and narrow- perfect for a grocery list. Crowne Plaza and Pur are bigger- just right for next to the phone at home and work. Sheraton is two-tone, with lines perfect for Kidzilla to write on. The Inn at Ellis Square had a huge lined one that is perfect for making notes on at work. And my all-around favorite is from the Fiesta Inn- it's lined, good sized and comes with check boxes (check boxes!!!) to I get the glorious feeling of checking things off my list. We also have a huge assortment of matching hotel pens, but they are mostly indistinguishable. They are great for keeping on my desk at work though because it's no big deal if someone walks off with them. And everyone in the office knows that if it's a hotel pen it's probably mine.

We are also the proud owners of approximately 1 bazillion Crowne Plaza plug in nightlights. If there is ever a fire, we can follow the trail of lights to the nearest exit. Which in some cases may be located behind us.

I take my perks where I can get them.

Becoming the mother I want to be

After lamenting in the last post about how I'm not able to have the lifestyle I thought I would, I have to remember that there are still good things. I am still evolving and doing things differently this time around. I feel like this time I have more support for doing things that are not quite the mainstream. Or maybe A just lets me run rampant over him in the parenting realm. Whatever it is, I appreciate it. This time around I am:

• Breastfeeding the baby- last time, I lasted two weeks and caved to the formula and bottles beckoning me from the cabinet when I was sore. This time I refused to keep any formula in the house and pushed through the soreness. And while, for me, nursing is not the glorious, womanhood fulfilling sap-fest that videos make it out to be, it is pretty cool. And cheap compared to the special allergen free formula I would have to purchase otherwise.

• Cloth diapering- last time, my partner wasn't into cloth diapering. Or changing any diapers Or parenting a baby much at all. This time, we have the cloth diapers, the diaper sprayer A attached to our toilet and A will happily run a load through the wash. And keep me in giggles while pretending to carry on about how terrible changing diapers is. Unless it's the middle of the night, when he makes the changes as quietly as possible.

• Co-sleeping- Yes, I sleep with the baby in bed with me. It is a wonderful way for us, and A when he's here, to feel close to the baby after we've been apart all day. And it makes breastfeeding easier. And I get more sleep. We are extremely cautious of pillows, blankets, pets or Kidzilla on the bed around the baby. And to paraphrase a respected expert on the subject- People die from choking every year but we won't try to tell people to avoid eating. Babies die in car accidents every year but we don't outlaw babies riding in cars. Instead we try to find ways to make those activities as safe as possible. Bed sharing should be the same way.

• Aside from the giant hunk of plastic Exersaucer that I bought today, second hand at least, for the most part we are avoiding plastic toys. And anything that plays music. Baby gets the expensive wooden, European made, organic made variety of stuff. We show our love by paying twice the cost for the toy I guess.

For Mother's Day, I'm counting all this as progress towards becoming the mother *I* want to be. Now to go retrieve Babyzilla from being lovingly encased in Fisher-Price designed faux arms...

It wasn't supposed to be like this...

When Kidzilla was a baby I hated working full time. I swore that if I ever had another child that I would NOT work. Instead I'd spend all day planning and cooking delicious, organic meals fresh from the farmer's market, attending Gymboree classes and La Leche League meetings, and picking out the perfect new couch for my mansion. And that is so NOT where I am at right now. Instead, I'm stuck on the endless loop of: wake up, prep me and the boys for work/school, work, arrive home, unpack from work/school, repack for work/school and sleep. Sometimes on the weekends we get to go to the library or for a walk when I'm not busy doing all those things I can't do because I have to work. OK, well actually it's an unpaid internship, but you get the gist. Although I LOVE my internship, this cycle is so, so hard. On all of us. I hate that I spend an hour in the morning and more than that in the evening hoping that Babyzilla will stay asleep so I can get other things done. I want to be able to ENJOY my baby. For goodness sakes, it took us three years to make him- that's how bad we wanted him. This is so not what I desired.

Part of the problem is the halt to upgrades that all of the airlines face. If A were making a captain's salary right now, things would be easier. Probably if I hadn't just racked up a good sized debt earning a graduate degree that would help too; although I could pay that off with part time work, if such a thing were available. I feel like I'm back to thinking- NEXT time I have a baby I will be able to have the life I want to have. But I don't want to have to think like that. Like Joel Osteen promotes, I want my best life NOW.

I did have it out with A a few weeks ago, a yelling and weeping fit, that eventually enabled us to clear up some miscommunication. When he was at home and I was at work, I would leave him a list with a few to-do's on it. When he wouldn't have them done when I got home, I got angry. He would spend the evening doing them instead of helping me with my evening routine, which would help my stress level. Once I left him home for a few hours with a hungry Kidzilla and a crying Babyzilla in the evening and let him fend for himself, he understood what it was like for me. Now he works a bit harder to complete the need to do's before I get home so he can be more helpful in the evenings. It was kind of a watershed moment for us, albeit not a pretty one. Like it or not, for now his relaxation time comes during his 33 hour overnights in Podunk, USA- when he's here, it's all hands on deck so *I* can get a break.

For now, we do the best we can to balance all of the competing interests and hope that someday we'll get to the place where things ARE the way they are supposed to be.