Recovery

October was a stressful month, but we made it through. It was rough with A being gone for 12 days straight and we definitely decided that while we are fine with the airline type schedule, a cargo type  schedule with a week plus gone then multiple weeks home is not for us.  A also came home from his meeting with many new t shirts (all union made) and glasses from the “Delta Pub”.  Overall it was a great experience for him. That was promptly followed by recurrent training a few days later. Luckily, A is not the one who feels the need to study up prior to a recurrent event. He’s never needed peace and quiet or to hang a poster and practice flows. And really, shouldn’t you be doing it correctly all along? Shouldn’t you already be confident in your knowledge and skills? So off he went to breeze through recurrent barely breaking a sweat. Since then, it’s been routine trips and minimal Fay’s off. We have a nice break off coming up. This week has been especially tough with A being gone and all three kids sick. I was off Monday after rocking a Cub Scout camping trip partially solo with three kids. Seriously. I put up a tent, in the rain, in near dark, by myself, and didn’t even lose a kid. I am Mam, hear me roar! Thanks to a cancelled flight, A wasn’t able to get to us unti early afternoon the next day. But we did fine thanks to the giving heats and helping hands of our scout family. We all came home tired and covered in bug bites. All the kids promptly got sick and I had to leave work early on both Wednesday and Thursday to get them from school. A doctor visit later and we had steroids and advice on humidifiers and benedryl dosage for all. We then had to return to the doctor Friday morning for a previously scheduled well-baby visit which got me into work 2.5 hours late.  And then fielded a request to come home early again, which I had to decline. These are the days that are the hardest. I have no tribe to help and I simply can’t leave early again, especially having come in late. I know A feels like shit too, not being able to help. This is the first time I really remember being stuck like this. A nice long weekend for the kids should help. Dad’s on duty Monday as it’s not a holiday for me ( yeah hospital life!). We are looking forward to time off for the Thanksgiving holiday and an actually family vacation in December. In which I will be dazzled by the fancy hotel while A is nonplussed because he stays in fancy hotels all the time. All in all, here’s to a restful weekend and a quiet, noneventful, upcoming week.

Bros before...?

While we do live in Northern Florida, we were not in a hurricane effected area. We anticipated getting a few outer bands of weather, but other than a single 10 minute burst of rain, felt no effects. We were lucky in that respect but it was tense I. Our household the few days before. A left on Tuesday for a 10 day stretch of meetings in Washington DC. At first I thought we would be fine without him but then I waviered (after he mentioned how frequently our power goes out in storms) and decieded he should at least make sure our smaller generator and some power cords were accessible. When I asked him to ensure they were useable he came back with “but you said you would be fine”. Cue Herricane Someday. Here I came dropping F bombs left and right, finger pointing, and all kinds venom spewing! He wasn’t even going to be here and couldn’t even summon up enough to care for his wife and children while they were gone? How hard was it to get four little item out? Why was he spending so much time planning for this pilot related conference instead of taking care of us- obviously he cared more about his pilot bros than us... Finally he agreed to get the equipment out. I asked him the next day, before he left, what point he was trying to prove by arguing with me instead of just agreeing, but he didn’t seem to have one.

Back to the conference for a bit as it really has been dominating our lives for the past few weeks and had been the source of a fair amount of other arguments as well. This meeting happens every other year and then every other conference they also elect a new union president. This year is an election year, naturally. So I get to hear about how they are going to be sweet talked, can’t go anywhere alone,  how all the airlines have hospitality suites to visit, how their airline has theme nights in their suite, how he needs a red velvet jacket because his base always represents... on and on and on. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore and reminded him that while he was off at this meeting- having to worry only about himself, having his meals provided, sleeping undisturbed- I would be at home. Taking care of the kids, arranging schedules, planning and making dinners, getting woken up by someone at least twice per night, and having to manage everything by myself, while I continued to work full time. While he worried only about himself. His response that the all day meetings might be ‘boring’ didn’t fly with me. So we had many discussions about who has to manage what and when I would get a vacation as well. I told him I would be happy to stay at a local hotel alone and go to work for the week following his conference just so he could see what it was like for me. You can imagine how well that went over! He did cut down on talking about the conference at least. But it still irritates. And now I’m dealing with everything, with a cold.

We have had some victories lately as well- one is daytime potty trained and one will walk any day. The new pilot contract passed and will give us a bit more breathing room in our very tight budget. And we are still alive to see another day!

Landing at home

A had to make a sick call and it’s landed him home for a stretch of 16 days. That’s even longer than the block of time he gets off for his scheduled vacation at the end of September! He’s had time to work through his gout flare up, get it under control and start some new meds, and get some specialist appointments scheduled. It’s also allowed him to be home for school and daycare pick up and stop off, grocery shopping, and three rounds of sick kids. First Baby Girl was sick with a fever. She came home early from day care twice, stayed home altogether once and had a doctor visit. We no sooner got her well than youngest threw up at school and needed to come home. We get him well and then older boy is up in the middle of the night throwing up. And through it all he’s been able to deal with it all while I go to work as usual. It’s quite liberating to have a stay at home parent. We are all well now and plan to enjoy the long weekend at the Zoo and beach.

A’s airline is in the midst of contract negotiations. It’s intetesting to be on this side of it this time. As a union rep he’s party to hours of conference calls ( literally 5+ hours one day) and the back and forth of negotiations on top of the random pilots calling him trying to get insider information or make their personal contract desires known. Some evenings it seems like we barely see him without his earpiece on to listen in quietly. The absurdity of what some crews do on the job never fails to astound me, as does his ability to represent them to management with a straight face.

A is still torn about online college to finish his BS degree. He wants it but the financial stress and the time stress seems so much. I can’t handle eating a degree on his behalf. But completing it would make such a difference in his ability to move airlines. Even though there is rumor of his airline being acquired by a motor a year later no further details have come out. And I say that confidently because he would be one of the first to know. I keep hoping an obvious, easy answer will present itself but it hasn’t yet. I’ll keep hoping though.

Perceptions

I posted this recently on a Facebook group-

“I’m so irritated at people, including my mother, who can’t see past the glamorous job of regional pilot that my husband does to the very important, much more rewarding and interesting job that I do! More often than not I am greeted with “ Hi! Where’s A today?” Probably he’s in Des Moines, Debuque, or some other mispronounced midwestern dream town on a 60 minute turn or a 10 hour layover at the local La Quinta. I am a social worker at a children’s hospital. I help people. I make a difference in their lives. They remember me years later. Today I held the hand of a mom of a baby while our staff tried to save her baby girl and held the mom in my arms when we couldn’t. Then I helped find a way to pay for the burial costs. Then I pushed an emergency transfer through an insurance plan so a child could be flown to another hospital for a transplant. Then I coordinated the home equipment for another special needs child to go home. Every day I do these things and more. Want a funny story the starts with “ what had happened was...” or ends with “who does that?”- I have a hundred. But outside of the hospital, I’m nothing but a pilot’s wife. I just wish people could see beyond the aura of glamour I must radiate just being associated with him to the much more interesting facets of my life!”

There was lots of commiseration from other wives who felt the same way, that our lives and jobs are judged as so boring by comparison that they aren’t even worth remembering or asking about. Even our pastor at church does this to me. No one rembers my job but everyone knows his. A tried not to talk about his job and even tells people that my job is much more interesting, but still. It’s hard not to be snarky in the situation, but I need a good comeback so people will recognize how devaluing it is to me to ignore my own accomplishments.

I admit that I did recently, nearly fall victim to my own assumptions recently. But luckily I didn’t stick my foot in my mouth. I see many, many posts about wives saying they just can’t work because of their husband’s schedule. I’ve made it work AND we have three kids. So when we went to spend the recent holiday with another pilot family I had never met, I assumed  that the wife probably didn’t work since they had several children and lived in a suburb a fair bit away from the the major area. Turns out they had three kids and she had a fairly demanding job in HR just down the street from where I work. I was so glad to kind a kindred spirit! Although I can’t imagine how I will continue to keep up what feels like a frantic pace to my life, it’s what works for us for now.

I was also re entry told by someone that I could seem very intimidating because I seemed to have my life so well managed and together and other people did not. I was blown away because I don’t always (more like rarely) feel like I have it so together and I certainly don’t judge anyone else for not having found there groove. I try to help by sharing what works for me, but I guess it doesn’t come off well sometimes. I promise I’m not an intimidating gal in real life, just busy trying to keep my head above water and lonely for friends who get it. I read a thought posted on Facebook that had been copied and pasted many times over was this- A different version of you exists in the minds of everyone who knows you. It seems so simple, but yet mind blowing at the same time.

Upgrade complete

We made it through upgrade training. I always knew that A had the skills, but I admit there were times I didn't think we were going to make it. The stress of upgrade threw him into a major gout flare up and when he set off for the first two weeks of class and sims, he could barely use one of his arms. But he persevered and made it through. And then he would come home and try to one up me on the stress levels (as if, I work full time, have three kids at home, and manage our home, our health, our extracurricular activities while he went to class 9-5 and slept alone in a hotel room...). His first trip out ended with a dropped trip and left him with only 13.5 hrs of CA time, so he had to do a second trip to finally get signed off. And this second trip made up for everything the first trip didn't have- 4 and 5 leg days, cancellations, delays, the works. But it's done! So much for prime vacations and schedules, we are back at the bottom of the list. A has three weeks of vacation to take this year, but it's all during the fall, when the kids are in school and the weather is hot and humid here and cold in the rest of the US. This upgrade is huge to us though because we have been struggling along financially having two kids in daycare and another in extended day at school. It's still worth it for me to work (After 7 years, A finally brings home more than I do again!) but I'll tell you, it's been a struggle. Especially with 2 12 week maternity leaves in three years. A could have gone to upgrade class sooner, like 6 months ago. I don't know why he didn't, but it's moot now. At least we will have some breathing room now, although there are no dream vacations in our near future. I know for a while I will see him even less, as he spends 5 days away on reserve at base. Hopefully he can learn to work the system and get himself home more. But with the way people are leaving, either to the majors or lateral moves, he should move up in seniority smoothly. We're outsourcing lawn care and housekeeping so we can have time to just be when he is home, instead of frantically trying to cram chores in. I guess this means we've made it.

Finally There?

The day has finally come and A reported in for upgrade training. What was an 18-24 month upgrade back when he started turned into an 11 year journey. But he’s there. He is worried about making it through but for years the trainers and check airmen he’s flown and trained with have told him he’s ready. So for this week and next he’s at the schoolhouse. I know many pilots go into study mode ahead of time for training events and get really stressed out- but not A. He remembers best from hearing things, not reading, so reading a manual would do nothing for him. And he can visualize the mechanics like no ones business. So he just shows up and stuns everybody else when he arrives and never writes anything down. So far he says everything is going well.

Last week A was at union meetings all week. They met with ALPA leadership, the company CEO, and several other important players. They are going into contract negotiations so talked a lot about that. It’s intetesting, A being ‘the ALPA dude’ in base now. He gets a lot of ‘I like you A, I voted for you, but what the hell are you doing for us’ kind of comments. And a frw’you tell management I said...’. If these people are so disgruntled, why aren’t they volunteering themselves? A says he used to wonder the same thing- what are those guys doing- now he knows. And is bound by confidentiality.

Things on the home front are. They just are. Manageable (barely), tolerable (mostly), busy (always).  Youngest brother (2.5) finally had the awareness that dad comes and goes and has started asking about dad when he’s gone. Not crying for him (yet), but asking for him. And now both boys fight over who gets to talk to Dad on FaceTime first. I swear sometimes I wish we didn’t have that technology and we were limited to a 5 minute call at long distance rates. But it is sweet that even Baby Girl recognizes he daddy’s face and voice when he calls.

Just like always, we’ll make it through. But it is nice to finally be not just seeing the light at the end of the tunnel, but actually near the end of the tunnel!

Spring

Spring is the season of change and rebirth, especially this year for us. In March, A finally had his interview for the pilot flow through program thing between his regional and a major. We've been looking forward to it and it's been in the works for a while. He took the personality test portion what feels like forever ago but kept missing the interview sign-ups because he doesn't check his company email daily. Approved pilots are pulled out of the program in seniority order and they aren't near his number yet, but it's nice to have the interview portion out of the way as well. That required an overnight stay out of town. He has done well and was approved for the program. Except for that pesky lack of a 4 year degree thing. We recently found out that they will let you get all the way into the process and then at the "final review" hold your application. A is still convinced that they have hired some without the degree so we are pressing on. We are still held up on spending the time and money for a BS in professional piloting. It would be the quickest route, but probably the least useful for fallback skills. Which is why he would need to get a degree in the first place. As if a degree is going to magically change him from the guy who interviewed. So it remains to be worked out.

We also just took advantage of his last vacation time that was at a time we needed. We have been lucky that for the last several years, he has been able to take vacation to be home during spring break and summer vacation. Seniority does that. But now with upgrade around the corner, who knows. Although the company is hemorrhaging pilots so a trade may be available yet. We didn't do anything fancy, but did have some family come to visit. And he played househusband with our 7 year old in tow.

Just a few more weeks until upgrade training. ITS FINALLY HERE! I can tell A is stressed about it, but I think he'll be fine. He's never had any kind of trouble in training classes- not initial training or retraining when he hadn't flown for two+ years. We'll make it through the same as we always have.

My biggest boy, Kidzilla, is about to be 16 this weekend. I can't believe it. Although he no longer lives here with us, we see him regularly and keep updated. He'll be here for a visit this summer again. I can't believe he's grown so big and looks like a teen. I still remember being in the hospital with him, our first playgroup, the time a Cracker Barrel he ate all the shrimp tails with the shrimp... It's been amazing to watch him outgrow me- physically, in math, and as a primary caretaker. I hope that we are able to maintain our good relationship and he continues on the path he is currently on.

Here's to all that the Easter Bunny can bring!

The difference between mom and dad- # 546

A is totally the Disneyland dad at our house. He sweeps in and either surprises the kids at school/daycare or slips in overnight. He plays with the kids so I can clean and do laundry. He gets sent to all the birthday parties, soccer tryouts, and scout events. He works on the big school assignments and I take care of the daily homework. It works out for us this way because by the time he gets home, I just want a break from the kids. And he is more creative on projects than I am- after college, graduate school, and a 10 year career in summer camps and educational events I am DONE with crafts, poster boards, dioramas, decoupage and anything involving building with dry pasta. But A, he will tackle it once assigned.

Most recently, the biggest little kid came home with a project to research and animal and create a habitat in a shoe box. I immediately passed on the project and assigned it to A to assist in completing. All went well until we realized on Sunday night that it was not due AFTER the following weekend, when they had planned to complete it, but the Friday before. And A was gone Monday-Friday. Which meant I had to finish up the project. On top of the regular homework, chores, lunch making, and dinner feeding that normally occurs on a weeknight. A did the leg work, decided on an animal with S and bookmarked some websites for research. All went well until we had to go hunt down a plastic replica of our animal for the habitat. Which entailed me driving around town, in commute traffic, with three kids in tow, to multiple stores looking for a specific animal. Which might not have been so bad if it was the weekend and just the A and S. But it was a pain. And I admit, there was some moaning and complaining on my part. But, the animal was found, painted the appropriate color with some nail polish (see, everyone needs green and orange nail polishes at some time in their lives!) and placed in the appropriate habitat.

It made me realize how differently we approach projects. Upon finding out the assignment, I, the ever practical, tactical, long range thinking mom, would have instantly cataloged my brain Rolodex for animals and habitat items we have on hand, calculated the easiest to assemble project and then gently steered S toward that animal. A on the other hand, immediately thought "hmm, what's the coolest animal we could do?" Without regard to what we had on hand or how hard the items might be to come by.

Thank goodness we each have unique strengths, otherwise each of our kids would be doomed to turning in the same projects each time they were assigned as they progressed through the grades. And no one would be wearing clean clothing.

Spreading wings

A is off at a union training this week. He’s spending the whole week at the headquarters in trainings and being wined and dined. There was an opportunity for spouses to attend as well, but really, who am I going to find to watch three kids for a week. Plus I’m still nursing baby girl. Plus I’m out of time off right now due to maternity leave. So maybe another time. But he says he is learning a lot. I can’t wait for him to come home and tell me how tired he is after sleeping alone, undisturbed, in a hotel room and not having any early shows and late finishes...

He has about 9 weeks left before he finally goes to upgrade class.  Being gone for training and back on reserve is going to be a big change for us. But it’s a step that is very needed and well overdue on several fronts. I think A is actually a bit nervous about a big training event. Even though he did fine at his most recent training event. But before he goes there, he’s finally scheduled an interview with the big dogs. It’s through a quasi-flow through type program with his airline but an interview is an interview. And moving to a legacy would change our lives.

We have friends from church whom the husband was recently diagnosed with cancer. We have brought dinner and generally reached out to provide support. But the thought of cancer STILL brings up anxiety in me. I don’t think it will ever go away. Blessedly, we are all healthy and the kids are growing well. Baby girl has gained 9 pounds in her first six months and recently had the honor of modeling a onsie with A’s company logo; the same one her two older brothers have worn.

Happy weekend!