Switching it up

A few weeks ago, Kidzilla's Boy Scout troop went on a canoe trip down the Suwanee River. It was a parent- son event and I had every intention of sending A until another m begged me to go so she wouldn't be the only mom. I agreed, and then informed A of the plan. I think it was a "let me prove I can do it" weekend for both of us. I used to be real outdoorsy and spent many years attending and working at summer camps in addition to camping with my family. I am a life long Girl Scout. And I have this hidden compulsion to prove myself to all the Boy Scout fathers running the show. Plus, I had never spent a night away from the baby. Nor had A had to run the household (basically him, Babyzilla and the cats) for an entire weekend. A had some fantasy that two nights away would cause Babyzilla to wean from nursing (yeah right) and I would finally get some long overdue unbroken sleep (also, yeah right).

So Kidzilla and I set off Friday afternoon with the group. Babyzilla cried when he figured out I was not returning home with him in the car but it didn't last too long according to A. For me, the trip was great except for the having to sleep on the ground without my usual five pillows and the part where the leaders assumed we all knew how to canoe already. Canoeing is not in my current skill set. Saturday morning we all loaded up in the canoes with our gear and took off. Kidzilla and I were near the end of the pack the entire trip, but after the first few miles my " I am woman, hear me roar" pride kicked in and I probably would have refused to change canoe partners any way. And darn it, we made it 15 miles down the river over two days. I did get some instructional help along the way, but it just didn't click for me.

Meanwhile, at home A kept the home fires burning and even managed to get the laundry done AND folded in addition to taking care of Babyzilla. They had both donuts and ice cream out. They watched movies. They spent Friday night sleeping on the couch as Babyzilla was insistent on being there when Mama came home. They survived and A got a taste of what it's like for me when he's not there. Minus the working  eight hours a day, trying to cram errands in after work then coming home, fixing dinner and preparing for the next day part. But it was a start. 

Out of sight, out of mind

Goodness it's been a long time since I posted. I think about posting all the time, but the getting around to actually doing it is the hard part.

Babyzilla is now nearly 2.5 years old. He's capable of walking, running, climbing and turning things with his hands. Things like deadbolts on doors. I knew it was coming and kept telling A that he needed to put some up high locks on the doors so I wouldn't wake up one morning and find Babyzilla out on the front porch. I had a young cousin who wandered out and was subsequently murdered and found in a ditch when I was young. I spend 8 hours a day in a place where children are brought when bad things happen and work with parents to survive after the trauma regularly. I have been in the room with parents who know their child is dying. A knew all of this and STILL didn't get around to putting up the locks on the doors. I attribute it to his being able to leave the house for a 4 day stretch and not having to deal with the paranoia of Babyzilla getting out every time my back was turned. He could just fly away and pretend it wasn't happening. Pretend that retention pond wasn't just a few houses down. Pretend that I have nothing better or more interesting to do than shadowing Babyzilla around the house constantly. It got to the point where I said to A "if something happens to Babyzilla, even if it's while you are not here, it will be YOUR FAULT, and I will always BLAME YOU for not listening to me when I asked for locks." Even that didn't seem to spur him on. It wasn't until I walked into the bathroom while A was showering and informed him that Babyzilla was on the porch sweeping and he's better go get him that he finally got busy. Locks went up that day. Because it happened when he couldn't ignore it any more.

Going on a trip and pretending everything is fine is a common tactic with A. It happens with bills, the tags on our cars, light bulbs that are out... If you are wondering why I don't take care of these things myself, it's because my attempts are likely to be met with much huffing and eye rolling and will need to be redone "the right way" anyway. And I'm lazy so if it's not bothering me too much, I'll let it go. It's like A goes on a mini-vacation from household responsibility when he goes on a trip. And then he complains about his 4 hour sit at the airport when he could be making doctor appointments, shopping for gifts or paying bills online. Or making a prioritized list of things he needs to do when he gets back. I'd love to have a four hour sit where I could just chill and read a book. Or check my email unmolested by children. Or a time when I could just put off everything that's pressing and make A responsible for everything. An opportunity to be out of sight and put everything out of mind.