One of those days

Today was one of those days. The days when I wish my husband worked normal hours, in this city. Or that I had some family nearby to step in and help out. Babyzilla has a bad cold with a fever. Thursday I called out sick and stayed home with him. We rested, napped, breastfed, and watched movies. Today we had a big conference at work with several people already out and our on call staff already tapped. I took Babyzilla to daycare with the hope that he could make it through the day and I could swing getting off two hours early. I didn't have a lot of faith in my plan, but I was hopeful. And barely an hour after I arrived, I got the call from daycare that he had a higher fever and I needed to come get him.

Let me interject with a bit about my job. Hospital discharges wait for no one. They aren't the kind of thing that can be put off for a few days and gotten back to when you are feeling better. Beds are finite, if people don't get out, sicker people can't get in. And people can't discharge if their medical equipment, home care, housing, medications and whatever else are not lined up. We have staff in house 6 days a week and on call after hours and Sundays. If I'm not there- someone else has to be. If no on call staff is available, which is usually on a same day call out, then cases get rotated to other staff- each one getting 3-4 extra beds to cover. Calling out usually means more work for your co-workers. Frequent call outs mean less friendly co-workers.

So I was faced with the decision of leaving work and feeling guilty about dropping my caseload in their laps again or leaving, trying to dose Babyzilla up with Tylenol (after stopping at a store to purchase said Tylenol) and heading back to work for a few hours. It would have been nice to have a second parent or family to fall back on. But then again, we made the decision to leave here. (I wrestle with this all the time...). Our department secretary saved me from much guilt by shifting some on call staff around and finding coverage for my cases, although as the expense of a co-workers less demanding cases. I was ultimately able to take the day off, again, and be the parent I needed to be. I know A hates that it all falls on my shoulders when he is gone and that it tears him up to see me struggling on days like this. Especially this trip when he SHOULD have been home on Thursday. In the end, I'll suck it up and deal with it, because really, what other choice do I have? I know that A is just as torn between his job and family. Today it's just one minute at a time.