Monday, May 11, 2020

So close we could taste it

We were so close. So. Close. Now, it's back to the struggle. This year had the potential for so much until this pandemic. Everything was chugging along just fine. A was still at his regional airline, having made peace with the little hope of moving up to a major due to the college degree that just wasn't happening. He had completed training as a Check Airman (and had been labeled "a natural" by the training director) and was regularly getting training override pay to pad his paycheck. He still wasn't  high up the Captain seniority list, barely holding a line some months, but it was OK. He was still a union rep, getting calls at all hours from disgruntled pilots with sometimes reasonable complaints. Sometimes it was time consuming, but the trade off was that he was always in the know about the companies doings.

Out of the blue, a fabulous part time job offer dropped in my lap. I liked my full time job, but it was hard with several kids and a husband away. I had always wanted to go part time when we could afford it but it was hard to find something in my field. But here it was. I was always concerned about giving up access to health insurance in case we had ever needed it. We had always been covered on A's, but I felt relief that we always had a back up even though we had never needed it and didn't forsee that changing in the furture. After some wise council, we decided to go for it and I turned in my notice. I gave 5 weeks notice so we could hire and train a replacement. It was going to be a little bit tight financially but doable. Three weeks after I gave notice, A was updated that his company contact negotiations were going well and he anticipated a substantial raise in both his general pay and his training pay. This would more than make up for the pay I had just given up. We were golden.I thought it was God rewarding me for taking a leap of faith on the job.

Then, mere days later, the bottom dropped out. I was already training my replacement when the pandemic run up began and then hit us in the US. My part time job was still there, but the on call dates I had signed up for to supplement our income quickly evaporated. And no hope of return to a full time job where I was unless someone quit- it's kind of a niche market. A began endless union related phone calls and Zoom conferences. At least when the schools closed, we didn't have to worry about childcare and education for our 9yo, one of us was always home. My income dropped to part time with no benefits and A stopped flying. Technically he's on reserve, but there's no flying for him to do. Very quickly the talk turned to furloughs and numbers. And even with 15 years seniority with the company he likely won't be safe. The best we can hope for is that he won't be furloughed long. And of course, my fear of losing our health care will come to pass. At least with his union position he is the first to get updates on the company status and plans.

So we are already cutting back and trying to figure out how to make due. I qualified for a healthcare worker subsidy for daycare for 3 months but it would have meant moving the kids from the only daycare they've ever known so we let it go. We cut down the summer camps and dropped the summer vacation plans. We let go of the plans for the backyard play structure we were going to buy. We won't be doing the swim lessons we had planned for the summer. I know the kids will be ok, but it hurts. Once again, it wasn't supposed to be like this. I had finally found peace that he was already with his forever airline. I had finally found a part time opportunity that would let me have the best of both worlds. Now we are both home most days stressing each other out. At least come October, when the furloughs start, he won't be spending 3+ hours a day on work/union related calls. We' aren't sure what he'll be doing once furloughed- he really isn't qualified for anything else anymore. I'm sure the pilot job market will be flooded as will all of the flight schools. It may be cart wrangler at Costco for a while. As long as it pays and provides health insurance. And I'm torn. Should I give up the dream job and return to full time? I want to stick it out because I know he'll return to work eventually. But at what financial cost? Is God still testing us- calling us to walk out on the waters and trust him? I try to believe that He will provide and that it will all be OK, but wow it that hard.

I just want our lives back again.